Hitchhiker's Guide to the Dragon Balls
by Lady LeBeau
Summary: THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER. Sorry. Basically, Goku, Trunks, and Pan pick up a girl. She had dissociative disorder, overreacts to everything, is terrified of robots, DOESN'T FALL FOR ANYONE, and her name is the German word for "crap." She's my legit OC.
1. Interstellar Hitchhiker

Title: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Dragon Balls

Rating: PG—nothing naughty, just a bit of cross-dressing and castration references…

Summary: THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER. Sorry. Basically, the trio of space heroes better known as Goku, Pan, and Trunks pick up a strange girl who is, believe it or not, not based on the authoress in any way, shape or form. She overreacts to everything, is more of a hindrance than a help, is terrified of robots, DOESN'T FALL FOR ANYONE (and no one falls for her, so nyeah) and her name is the German word meaning "crap." Still think she's a Mary Sue?

Author's Note: Umm…not a whole lot to say…Dragon Ball is my latest obsession, so I had to write a fanfic…plus, I wanted to show how hard it was to both keep the characters in character and add a Mary Sue…I mean, the very nature of the characters rejects them! Everyone, and I mean _everyone_, looks stupid sometimes. Besides, they'd get suspicious of a random, perfect girl…

On the last episode of DragonBall GT...Goku, Trunks, and Pan had come so close to obtaining the four-star Dragon Ball, only to be thwarted at the last minute by a ragged band of space pirates. Seizing the Dragon Ball, the pirates flew off into space. Our trio of heroes, however, didn't give up on saving the planet that easily. They pursued the enemy ship to an unfamiliar planet, where they discovered a mysterious girl lying unconscious under a tree. Who is this sole resident of a seemingly uninhabited planet? Does she know something about the pirates, or even the Dragon Balls themselves? Find out on today's episode of DragonBall GT.

Interstellar Hitchhiker

Goku, Pan, and Trunks peered down at the girl.

"Do you think she's okay?" Goku asked. "She looks like she's been out for a while."

"I don't know," Trunks answered. "The only way we'll know is if she wakes up and tells us.

Pan frowned. "Gahh!" she shouted in frustration. "We don't have _time_ to wait around for some girl we don't even know to wake up! We've got to find those pirates and that Dragon Ball! It's not like she's gonna die if we leave her alone for a while, right?

"I dunno, Pan," Goku said. "We don't know what else lives on this planet. We can't just leave her here."

"That's right," Trunks agreed. Ever logical, he added, "Besides, she may know something about those dirty pirates who stole our Dragon Ball."

Pan sat down on a rock, impatiently kicking the dirt. "Oh, fine," she pouted. "Is there anything we can do to help her wake up more quickly?"

Almost as if on cue, the girl stirred. However, she only rolled over in her sleep. Furthermore, she began to snore. Loudly.

"Well, I think it's safe to say she's not injured!" Trunks shouted over the cacophony.

"I don't think I can take much more of this!" Goku complained.

"Owww…" Pan moaned. Then, she was struck by an idea. She put her plan into action immediately.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Trunks protested as Pan forcibly removed the bandana around his neck.

"Stopping this awful racket!" Pan answered, stepping determinedly off into the woods. She stopped, and listened for water. Following the sound of the first stream she heard, she dipped the scarf in, and walked back to her friends and the originator of the obnoxious noise. Pan then wrung out the bandana…directly over the girl's face.

It had an immediate effect. "AAAGHYOU'LLPAYFORTHATYOUDEVILSIDON'TCAREIFYOU'REUSHITA'SFAVORITEGRANDKIDS,I'LLGETMYREVENGEANDYOU'LLBESORRYYOUAWFULLITTLERUNTS!" the girl screamed, causing a few birdlike creatures to fall out of the nearby trees. She looked around quickly, turning from right, to left, to behind her, to above her, seeing no one. "Come out, come out, wherever you are," she said in a singsong voice.

Once the din was over and the echoes had died away, the heads of Goku, Pan, and Trunks poked up from behind a rock.

"Wow, you've got lungs like a bellows," Goku joked, smiling at her. "Hey!" he protested.

The girl had lunged at Goku, grabbing him by his collar and screaming, "GOTCHA!" Goku blinked as she shook him back and forth. "Aha! Finally, I have you at my mercy, Shiba! Now, how shall I exact my revenge?" She stroked her chin with her free hand. "Boil you, maybe? Or perhaps I should hang you by that tail of yours and—wait, _tail!_" She rotated Goku, and peered at the prehensile appendage. "Uh…"

Pan leapt forward. "Put my grandpa down, now!" she shouted, pulling Goku by the back of his shirt, trying to yank him away from the girl.

The girl let go in shock. "_Grandpa!_" she exclaimed, falling backwards onto her rump. "You're her _grandpa?_ You better not be pulling my leg, monkey-boy."

" '_Monkey-boy'! _" Pan fumed. "That's my grandpa you're talking about! I'm surprised he's not kicking your butt right now!"

"…you are?" Goku blinked.

"Tell me who you are first!" the stranger demanded.

Trunks spoke. "We're voyagers from Earth," he explained. ("Never heard of it…"the stranger mused.) "We're searching for the Black Star Dragon Balls. They were scattered across the galaxy, and we need to find them."

"Dragon Balls?" Mist's eyes went wide. "The poor dragon!"

"No, no, no, not like that!" Trunks said, sweatdropping embarrassedly. "They're little orange spheres, with little stars on the inside. Unfortunately, the first one we came across was snatched up by a gang of pirates."

"Pirates? You mean Ushita's crew?" the girl asked.

"Well, do they go around in a black ship with a skull and crossbones painted on?" Goku asked.

Pan sighed and hit him on the head. "_All_ pirates go around in black ships with skulls and crossbones on them!" she hissed.

"This ship was pretty worn," Trunks elaborated. "It looked rather beat up—there were makeshift repairs all over it. Sound familiar?"

The girl nodded. "Yup. That's Ushita's ship, all right."

"Do you know where they are?" Trunks inquired.

The girl was suddenly defensive. "Why do you care?" she demanded. "How do I know you're not really bounty hunters out to kill us all?"

"Oh, _please!_ Do I _look_ like a bounty hunter?" Pan demanded angrily. She grabbed Goku by the scruff of the neck. "Does HE look like a bounty hunter to you?"

The girl was still defensive. "Looks aren't everything!" She pointed at Goku. "For all I know, you could be a super-powerful warrior who's only temporarily taken the form of a little kid to get my guard down!"

"Jeez, you're paranoid," Goku laughed.

"Wait a sec…how'd you know about Goku?" Trunks asked suspiciously.

"…you mean the super-powerful warrior thing? I was joking!" the girl insisted. Before the trio could comment further, a ship with a skull and crossbones that must have been about half a mile away blasted off. The girl exploded.

"WHAAAAT! YOU _MAROONED _ME!" she shouted at the retreating ship. "NO WAY! USHITA, YOU…I'LL GET YOU! SOONER OR LATER I'LL GET YOU!" She paused, panting for breath. She looked around. "Hey!" she called after the retreating forms of Trunks, Pan, and Goku. "Where're you going?"

"To get our Dragon Ball back!" Goku called.

"Then wait for me!" the girl yelled, running after them. She ran after them, following them to a spaceship with the words "Capsule Corp" on the side. They ran inside, sat down in three chairs, and strapped themselves in.

"Hey!" Pan shouted over the rumble of the starting engine. "What're you doing here?"

"Helping you help me get revenge!" the girl answered, panting. "If I can get that Dragon Ball thingy from right under Ushita's nose, she'll be furious! It's the perfect way to get back at them for abandoning me! Besides, it'll go a lot more smoothly for you if I'm here to help!" She then collapsed, obviously not used to running and shouting in succession.

The ship blasted off, vibrating with energy.

"So…uh…where do I sit?"

"Just grab hold of something solid, and don't let go!" Trunks shouted as he maneuvered the controls, trying to ignore the exclamations of pain from behind him.

Said exclamations were due to the fact that the girl hadn't grabbed something solid in time. Because of this, she was thrown backwards as the ship accelerated. "Ow! Ow! Owowow!"

"Quiet down!" Trunks was trying to concentrate. Finally, the ship stabilized. The girl was curled up, nursing her new bruises, muttering to herself.

"Hey!" Goku called over the back of his seat. "You okay?"

The girl raised her head. "I'll live," she groaned, "I think…"

"Well, once you've sufficiently recovered, come up here and tell us what you can about those pirates," Trunks instructed. "We don't have time to lose."

Wincing, the girl got to her feet and walked up to the front, leaning over Goku's seat. "They're just a bunch of space pirates," the girl informed them. "I don't know an awful lot, 'cause they only picked me up a couple weeks ago, but I'll tell you what I know. It's pretty much a huge family—Ushita's the captain and matriarch; whatever she says goes. Her sons do the heavy work, their wives cook, clean, and do laundry; and their kids perpetually harass me. I don't know how they amused themselves before I showed up. Anyways, a week or so ago I…got kinda mad at the two of them for throwing my underwear out the airlock and something happened-don't ask me what, I don't know-but when I came to, they were lying beaten to a bloody pulp on the floor, and my hands had said blood on them. Look, I swear I don't know what happened," she said at Trunks, Pan and Goku's horrified looks, "I wouldn't lie about something like this. I don't remember a thing. After that, Ushita threatened to maroon me on the next planet we stopped at if I didn't shape up. I thought she was kidding, but…yeah…here I am."

"Tell us your life story later," Pan said impatiently. "Give us some useful information, like why they're after the Dragon Ball."

"I'm getting to that," the girl said, frowning at Pan. "They were on the giant planet because they heard a rumor that the gold and jewels on that planet were super-sized as well, and Ushita's too greedy to pass up a chance like that. Then, they saw all the effort you three were putting into getting the Dragon Ball, so they figured it must be really valuable. Naturally, they stole it."

"What weapons do they have?" Trunks asked.

"Just your basic laser guns and shields," the girl answered.

Trunks sighed. "Oh, well. We can't beat them in a firefight, so we'll have to wait until they touch down on a planet." He looked at the fourth passenger. "You have any idea where they're going?"

The girl thought. "I think they said something about stopping on planet Yoshiro to refuel…"

"Then that's our next stop." Trunks hit a few buttons, and then relaxed. He turned around. "So, who are you, anyway?"

The girl shrugged. "My name's Mist."

"Missed? Missed what?" Goku asked.

"MIST! M-I-S-T!" Mist insisted. "Like fog, only different!"

"Oh. Okay. Gotcha," Goku laughed. "I still think it's an odd name."

"You're one to talk, _Goku_," Mist said, sticking her tongue out.

"I happen to like my name!" Goku protested.

"Look, do you want me to finish my story or not?" Mist asked impatiently.

"Sorry," Goku apologized. "Please continue."

Mist coughed. "Ahem. Anyway, I've been hitchhiking my way around this galaxy for quite some time now, but I'm never with one ship for more than a few weeks. For some reason, no one wants me to stay on their ship for very long."

"Why?" Trunks asked.

Mist shrugged. "I don't really know. I think it might have something to do with the fact that there are some times, especially when I'm mad or scared, when I lose my memory. I don't remember what happened, but someone's almost always seriously injured. I don't understand it at all…but the reason I started wandering in the first place is because my parents left all of a sudden. That was the first time I had lost my memory, and they just ran away, terrified. They didn't say why. Everyone in the town kept looking at me like I was some sort of freak. I eventually got fed up with living alone, so I left to try and find them." She shrugged again. "I've given up by now."

There was a thoughtful silence. Pan looked at Mist and wondered what her own life would be like if her parents just up and left. Trunks also looked at Mist. She was certainly an odd individual. She wasn't physically attractive to him at all—short, rather skinny, no figure whatsoever, awkward facial features that included eyes a rather boring grey-blue and so large and clueless-looking it was almost unnatural, clashing clothes that consisted of faded blue pants outgrown long ago that clashed horribly with her red-orange shirt, yellow-green scarf around her waist, and purple bandana she used like a headband, with wisps of brown, slightly grungy hair poking out on top and the sides, badly framing her face. If anything, she reminded him of a rabbit. He had no idea if she had any brains under that clueless expression, but she was a companion, if only a temporary one, and no matter what she looked like or her history was, she knew about the pirates who stole the Dragon Ball, and that information was very valuable. Besides, they couldn't just throw her off the ship. Goku wasn't thinking about much except how long it would be until his next meal. However, there was a nagging question in his subconscious: what if this girl was more than just a ditzy, hitchhiking teenager? What if she was dangerous? What actually happens when she loses her memory? Why is everyone always injured afterwards? However, when he was hungry, Goku was never good at listening to his subconscious.

"So," Mist broke the silence, "I've told you about me, now it's only fair that you do the same."

"Right!" Pan grinned. "I'm Pan, this is my friend Trunks and my grandpa, Goku. We're traveling the galaxy, collecting all seven Black Star Dragon Balls."

"Why?"

"'Cause, if we don't, our home planet, Earth, will be destroyed!"

Mist sat back, thinking. "So, how many do you have so far?"

Trunks, Pan, and Goku looked at each other and sweatdropped. "…none…" Goku conceded.

"_None?_" Mist's eyes widened comically. "How long do you have to gather them?"

"…less than a year now…"

"Whaaaat!" Mist exclaimed, anime falling.

"Well, we only started a week ago!" Pan said defensively. "Cut us some slack!"

"Still, you'd better hurry up! Where are they, anyway?"

"Randomly scattered," Trunks sighed. "We have a device for finding them, though…"

"Speaking of which, where is he?" Pan demanded. "GIRU!" she screamed. "Get your lazy metal butt over here!"

The door to another section of the spaceship opened, and through it floated a small, spherical robot. "Giru?" it asked in puzzlement. "Stranger!" It flew over, hovering in front of Mist's face.

Mist squeaked. "Yeek! All right, all right, I give! Now call off your robot!"

Giru backed away. "Giru?"

Mist twitched. "I _hate_ robots," she shuddered. "They're just so scary…"

"It's okay, Giru won't eat you unless you're made of metal," Trunks assured her.

"Yeah!" Pan winked. "He's harmless. Useless, but harmless nonetheless."

"Giru!" Giru sounded hurt. "Giru not bad! Giru friendly!"

Mist still kept her distance. "If you say so…"

"Giru, show her the Dragon Radar," Pan commanded.

"Giru," Giru replied, turning around.

Mist reluctantly took a look. She blinked. "It just looks like a flashing dot to me," Mist commented. Trunks, Pan, and Goku slammed into the floor in an anime fall. "It's blinking at me!"

Trunks climbed back up into his seat. "That flashing dot is the Dragon Ball. Giru, how long will it take us to get to planet Yoshiro?"

"Two days of travel at our present velocity," Giru answered.

Mist looked around. "Well, as long as I'm here, where will I sleep?"

Pan grabbed her hand. "Come on, I'll help you find a place."

Goku, Trunks, and Pan have picked up another passenger. Is this clueless girl as harmless as she looks, or does she harbor a secret? Stay tuned for scenes from the next GT.

On the next episode of DragonBall GT...Goku, Pan, Trunks, and their new comrade Mist catch up with the pirates who stole the four-star Dragon Ball. Is Mist ready to betray the pirates who took her in? Afterwards, Mist meets some old "friends" from her last visit. Can Goku, Pan, and Trunks find her in time? And what is her secret, after all? Will the quest for the Dragon Balls end before even one is found? Find out on the next GT.

end of episode

Well? Is it worth typing up the two more chapters I have so far? Or should I just keep it to myself, and write it just for fun?

Some info:

Mist isn't based on me at all. Period. End of story. She's her own character, not based on anyone. Sure, on occasion she does something that I myself do, but she also does things that my sister does, and she's got a few scenes where she reminds me of my mother. She also sometimes does things I'd never do in a million years. She's not me; she's Mist.

She won't be falling for Trunks. That's one of the most clichéd fanfic plots on Besides, I don't think she's his type…and she won't be falling for anyone else as I've planned it…unless someone suggests something really excellent…but this isn't a romance, it's a story about a schizophrenic, lonely girl finding real friends and a purpose in life.

Basically, her purpose is to provide some slightly sarcastic comic relief, and to help the heroes out as much as she can. After the next episode, the plot will be back on track, and Mist's time to shine will be over…at least, until they meet-ack, I'm giving too much away, aren't I? Oh, well. Anyway, let me know if this is any good…


	2. Power Revealed

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Dragon Balls

Review responses: none yet… TT

Author's note: I'm typing this up for a friend of mine, and just posting it here 'cause it's easy now that it's typed…If you want to flame, go ahead, just tell me what it is that you don't like. All flames will be consulted, and I will try to fix what you disagree with. If it's just stupid and pointless, I'm giving it to my spiky vampire minion Hiei to play with.

On the last episode of DragonBall GT...the three heroes from Earth were scouring the galaxy for the legendary Black Star Dragon Balls. On the verge of obtaining the first one, space pirates stole the four-star ball. On the planet that the pirates stopped on, they found a mysterious girl named Mist, who also had a grudge against the pirates. Can she help our heroes regain the four-star Dragon Ball and save the Earth from certain doom? Find out on today's episode of DragonBall GT.

Title: Power Revealed

Mist yawned widely and loudly, mouth stretching beyond what you'd think humanly possible. Said yawn lasted for about ten seconds, then the gaping cavern snapped shut. "Go Fish."

"Aww, man," Goku moaned, drawing a card. "Your turn, Pan."

"Kay…you got any eights?"

Mist swore under her breath and handed over three eights. "This is really boring…"

Pan stuck her tongue out. "You just don't like it 'cause you're losing!"

Mist snorted and turned back to the game. "My turn."

Before she could make a move, however, Trunks interrupted from the control room. "Hey!" he shouted. "We're here!"

"Finally!" the three Go Fish players chorused. They crowded through the door and into the bridge, looking at a blue-green planet, speckled here and there with sprawling metropolises.

"That's it," Mist confirmed. "That's Yoshiro."

The ungainly little spaceship pulled in for a landing. The four travelers exited, striding purposefully down the ramp—all except for Mist. She hung back, walking nervously.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Goku asked. "And why're you wearing your bandana over your face? And those sunglasses look silly on you."

"I've got some old…ah…_acquaintances_ on this planet," was Mist's muffled reply.

"Why do I have a feeling this won't end well?" Trunks asked himself.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The four travelers and one robot exited the ship, Mist still looking nervously about. Trunks beckoned to Giru, and took a look at the radar. "They're that way," he informed them, pointing.

After a minute or so of walking, they were out of the outskirts of the city and in a crowded street. Following the radar, they weaved in and out of passersby, Mist anxiously scanning every face, jumping at every minor disturbance.

"Hey, calm down," Goku advised. "No one's gonna come after you in the middle of a street! I doubt they'd be able to find you in this crazy marketplace, anyway. This city is practically a jungle!"

"Besides," Pan grinned, "no one would dare attack you with _us_ around!" She strutted onward.

"Seriously, though," Trunks said, pulling Mist aside, "what exactly is the nature of these 'acquaintances'?"

Mist sweatdropped. "Oh, nothing, just a couple of people I got into a little disagreement with the last time I was here. Nothing to worry about! Eheheh…" she laughed nervously, eyes upside-down "U"s.

Trunks was still suspicious, but there were more pressing matters at hand, like finding the Dragon Ball—and Goku.

"Where is he?" Pan asked. "He was right with us a minute ago…"

Trunks hung his head in his hands. "Why me...?" he moaned.

"Grandpa!" Pan yelled.

"Go-ku!" Trunks called. "Where are you!"

His question was immediately answered. Over the chatter of the city's residents, they heard Goku's voice. "Hah! Found ya, you dirty thieves! Gimme back the Dragon Ball!"

Trunks, Pan, and Mist looked at each other, then took off in the direction of the explosion.

They found Goku arguing with the pirates in the alien equivalent of a gas station. Although there were many different kinds of gas being sold, the smell of fermenting gas and oil was the same. Trunks, Pan, and Mist (who hadn't been able to see well enough to run with the sunglasses on, so she'd removed them) entered.

An aging, heavyset female pirate looked up. "Mist!" she shouted. "Drat! I thought we'd left you behind on that deserted planet!"

"You did, you meanies!" Mist tore off her handkerchief so she could shout better. "How DARE you maroon me!"

"And how dare YOU shout at me, you little tart!" the pirate lady screamed back.

"Because…because…" Mist struggled to find a creative retort. "Because…I don't like you!" During the commotion, Goku tiptoed into the pirate ship. No one noticed—they were too intent on the shouting match between the two females.

"_And_," Mist continued, emboldened, "you're just a stupid old biddy, Ushita, who's too blind to tell a monkey from a rabbit!"

"Is that the best you can do?" Ushita asked, a smirk crawling across her features. "_You're_ just an ungrateful little stray! You selfish brat, you attack anyone who shows you any sympathy! You even went so far as to beat up my defenseless grandchildren! You, my _dear_, are the lowest scum in this universe, you little piece of driftwood! I feel sorry for the next poor creatures you sucker into helping you!"

Mist felt her face grow hot. She frantically tried to avoid the gazes of Trunks and Pan. "You're a liar," she shouted, but it sounded feeble, even to her.

Ushita knew she was winning. "You wretch! We gave you food, a place to live, a family to belong to, and you repay us by almost killing my children and jumping ship the first chance you get!"

Goku stealthily crept back out of the ship, a telltale round lump in his pocket. He sidled back to Trunks and Pan. "We ought to go now," he whispered.

"But what about the Dragon Ball?" Pan protested.

Goku shushed her, then pointed to his pocket. "I've got it taken care of, trust me." Trunks and Pan nodded.

Mist wasn't paying attention. She was rather preoccupied. "That's…not true," she said weakly.

"Lying again?" Ushita sneered.

Mist felt the world begin to swim before her, as her eyes began to water. "No...no...no..." She clenched her fists. "I'm out of here!" she shouted, running blindly out of the fueling station, pushing past Goku, Trunks, and Pan, trying to hide the tears that had begun to escape from her eyes.

Ushita spit after her. "Good riddance." She walked back inside the ship, barking orders.

Pan, Goku, and Trunks looked at each other. "Should we go after her?" Goku wondered.

"I dunno," Trunks said uncertainly. "She was quick enough to switch sides and betray those pirates…what if she does the same to us? We can't trust her."

"Oh, _please!_ Can't you see that she's emotionally torn up?" Pan defended. "Can you blame her for running away? That old pirate lady was ruthless! You could tell that Mist felt guilty about it, and it wasn't even her fault they marooned her! Mist doesn't remember what happened when the kids got hurt, and I believe her! It sounds to me like she's had no real friends for a long time, and I bet she's lonely! We can't just abandon her!"

"I dunno," Trunks grinned. "Seems to me you only want her around 'cause she's the only one worse than you at Go Fish," he teased.

Pan thwacked him on the head. "Shut up! I'm being serious!"

"Pan's got a point," Goku said thoughtfully. "I don't think Mist's a bad person. Besides, she might be able to help us."

"How?" Trunks asked. "We don't need to worry about the pirates anymore, so what else can she do for us? She doesn't look like a fighter…"

"I don't mean fighting," Goku explained, "I mean…it sounds like she's been traveling around the galaxy for a pretty long time, and I bet she's picked up a lot of knowledge of planets and stuff…she could help us, you know, know a bit more about the planets we have to visit…"

"I see what you're saying," Trunks said thoughtfully. "She can help us blend in, be less obtrusive."

"It's settled, then!" Pan declared happily. "Let's go find Mist!"

They turned to go, but Trunks paused, noticing that the bandana Mist usually wore around her head lay on the floor, where it had been thrown during the fight. He considered for a moment, then picked it up and put it in his pocket. _She'll want it back..._

About half a mile away, Mist was curled up in an alley, nursing her wounded self-esteem. _Ushita's right,_ Mist thought, burying her face in her hands, attempting to stem the flow of tears. _I'm so ungrateful...I can see why no one wants me around for long...I'm stuck aimlessly wandering around this wretched galaxy forever..._

A small, vaguely ratlike face peered into the alley. It pulled back, beckoning to two other figures, then the three entered the alley and advanced on the crying girl.

Mist weakly tried to wipe away her tears. She had really _liked_ those three Dragon Ball hunters. They had been so nice to her…_Not that I'd deserved it,_ she added bitterly. _But...I coulda stayed with them for a while...helped them save their planet...actually gotten to know them..._

"Hello, again," a menacing voice growled.

Mist looked up. And up. And up. _Oh, crap, I knew I shouldn't have "borrowed" his ship last time I was here..._

The man cracked his knuckles. "I've got a little score to settle with you, li'l Miss Mist."

"Yeah!" called the smaller figure with the rat face from behind the taller man's legs. "I haven't forgotten how you stole that gold necklace offa me, you filthy rat!"

"An' I'm gonna get you back f'r showin' me up in fronta my own gang," growled a short, stocky, tough-looking alien growled.

Mist looked up and sweatdropped, realizing how carelessly she had thrown her disguise aside. _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._ "Uh…hi guys, gee it's been a while, so nice to see you again…BYE!" She tried to dart out of the alley, but the tall man was too quick for her. He grabbed her by the scarf she wore around her waist and lifted her up into the air.

"Not so tough _now_, are ya?" the former gang leader laughed.

Mist twisted back and forth, trying to get loose. "Let me go, you dirty pack of losers!"

"Look who's talking," rat-face sneered.

Mist beat her fists in the air. "Let me go!" she screamed.

"Uhuhuhu, not a chance," he said. "Not till we've got our revenge."

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to pick on girls?" Mist shouted desperately.

"No." The tall one sneered. "But she _did_ tell me once: don't get mad; get even." He held her up, looking into her face. "And I intend to listen to her advice."

Mist closed her eyes tight. She was cornered. There was nothing she could do—no way to save herself. Despair clawed at her heart. _How appropriate an ending for a traitor,_ she could almost hear Ushita say. Mist curled up as tight as she could, and desperately waited for the end to come.

Suddenly, her eyes snapped open, and there was an entirely different expression upon her face. "Let…me…go!" Her voice had changed from a terrified squeak to a low, harsh, grating growl. It wasn't the attractive kind of growl-it was rough, unpleasant, and sounded almost feral, like an injured Tazmanian Devil. Her eyes slowly changed color; going from grey-blue, to orange, to red-orange, and finally to a deep, crimson, blood red.

"No way, girlie," Ratty smirked. "We're gonna make you _pay._"

Mist let out a harsh, barking laugh. "I warned you!" She raised her fist, and brought it down with an almost unbelievable amount of force.

COMMERCIAL BREAK (no pun intended)

Goku, Trunks, and Pan were searching the city. Well, sort of. Actually, Goku was on his hands and knees, sniffing at the ground.

"Come on, Grandpa!" Pan urged. "Can't you go any faster?"

"I'm trying!" Goku protested. "There are so many different scents…it's almost impossible to track one person in a crowded city!"

"This might help." Trunks pulled Mist's headband out of his pocket.

Goku sniffed it. "Mmm…uh-hm…that way!" he cried, scurrying off in that direction.

Suddenly, a block away, Goku's sharp ears picked up a loud crash, and an evil laugh. "Did you hear that?"

Trunks and Pan nodded. "You think it's…?"

"Those acquaintances."

They dashed off, concern lending them extra speed. When they reached the alley, a strange sight met their eyes. Mist was standing triumphantly over the prone figures of three men. "Well, that was dull," her voice grated. "This entire planet is full of weaklings." She spat.

Pan, Goku, and Trunks stared at her. Mist's eyes were solid red, no irises or pupils whatsoever, her mouth was twisted into a sadistic, insane smirk, and flecks of blood spotted her hands.

"Uh-oh," Trunks muttered, "I think this is what happened to those pirate kids…"

"Mist?" Pan stepped forward. "I-is that you? Ack!" she yelled as Mist shoved her aside. "What's the big idea?"

"Out of my way, silly girl," Mist dismissed her as though she were addressing an insect. "I have business to attend to."

"Just hold on," Trunks demanded, grabbing her by the arm. "You're not attending any business until you tell me what's going on. Who are you, and where's the real Mist?"

Mist laughed. Goku shuddered at the noise. It sounded like someone was dragging a metal ruler over a barbed-wire fence. "I _am_ the real Mist!" she informed them. "At least, the _strong_ part of her." She looked disgusted. "She's usually so pathetically weak. Always whining all the time…I never saw the point of a conscience, anyway. I can only take over when she's in trouble and desperate for any help she can get. I've been with her since the first time she was picked on. Since then, I've grown…absorbing all her dark thoughts, dreams, experiences, desires…all of them fermenting inside of me, thus allowing her to remain pure of thought after doing all the things we've done…" She laughed again at the horrified looks Pan, Trunks, and Goku were giving her.

"You monster!" Goku shouted. "Give us back the good Mist right now!"

Dark Mist laughed yet again. "Oh, but I don't _want_ to. I can only stay in control for five minutes anyway, and I don't plan to waste a second." She pulled on the arm Trunks held. "Let go."

"I won't," Trunks said, calmly looking her in the eye.

Dark Mist's grin grew wider. "Do you have a death wish, boy? 'Cause if you do, keep holding my arm like that."

"Death wish or not, you couldn't hurt one hair on my head," Trunks said confidently.

Mist frowned for a moment, the burst into a fit of laughter. "_Excellent!_" she shouted. "Finally, someone with _backbone!_" She looked at Trunks. "You look pretty strong to me. You want to fight?" She clenched her free fist.

"Not particularly," Trunks replied. "But I do want you to give us our friend back."

_Friend?_ The word reverberated around Mist's consciousness. _Friend..._

"Ack!" Dark Mist screamed. "The five minutes are up!" Her eyes squeezed shut, and when they reopened, they were their usual grey-blue. Mist blinked, looked at the three Saiyans, the unconscious bodies, and the inquisitive robot, and then fainted.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

"Trunks, give me your bandana again," Pan commanded. He obeyed. She found a well, drenched the bandana in water, and wrung it out over Mist's face.

She came to with a gasp. "Huh? What? You? What the…why? But…them…what happened?" she stuttered.

"You mean…you really don't know?" Goku asked.

"It was _awful,_" Pan shuddered. "You were all evil…you looked like some sort of demon!"

"…demon?" Mist then began to laugh shrilly. "Hahahaha! A demon! I'm a demon! That explains everything! No one would want a _demon_ around them! Hahahaha!"

"That wasn't very tactful, Pan," Trunks informed her over the insane laughter.

"I'm just a demon…I'm evil…hahaha! Demon, demon, demon! Well, why don't you just burn me at the stake and be done with it?" she asked, voice still unnaturally high. "Burn! Hahaha-ow!"

Pan had smacked her across the face. "You were hysterical," she explained briskly.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'm okay now, I think…" Mist swallowed. She looked around at the unconscious men, the serious looks on Pan, Trunks, and Goku's faces, and finally down at the flecks of blood on her hands. "It happened again, didn't it." It wasn't a question. "I suppose you won't want to have anything to do with me now." She stood up and tried to walk out of the alley.

Pan blocked her way. "You're not going anywhere until you tell us what happened," she demanded.

Mist sighed and sat down. "After I ran off, I went in here to cry a bit, but those three cornered me, muttering something about revenge. They were about to beat me into a bloody pulp, but the last thing I remember is giving up hope and a dark, clawing feeling. The next thing I knew, my hands were bloody and sore, my mouth hurt, and you guys were staring at me like I was crazy."

Trunks, Pan, and Goku looked at each other. "Mist…"

"Yeah?"

"…I think you have dissociative disorder," Trunks informed her.

"I have _wha-?_" Mist asked, confused.

"Dissociative disorder," Trunks repeated.

"So I _am_ crazy," Mist sighed. "'Splains a lot."

"_No_," Trunks sighed, "you're _not_ crazy. It's a mental condition. Basically, you've subconsciously created another personality, a dark one, that occasionally takes control," he explained.

"So she's schizophrenic?" Pan asked.

"It's a kind of schizophrenia," Trunks said, "but instead of hearing voices, the dark side of your mind has formed into a completely different personality from your current state."

"Sounds like insanity to me," Mist sighed.

"It's not. But never mind that now. Why were those guys after you in the first place?" Trunks asked.

Mist sweatdropped. "Um…well…let me see…you know the tall one? Well, he lent me his spaceship a while back, but I…uh…kinda lost it…"

"_Lost it?_" Pan asked incredulously. "How can you _lose_ a _spaceship_? It's enormous!"

"I didn't _misplace_ it," Mist defended. "I _lost_ it! In a poker game!"

"Ohh." Pan began to laugh. "But you're so bad at cards!"

"Yeah. That's why I lost," Mist said matter-of-factly.

"What about the other guys?" Goku asked.

"Well…the one time I actually won a poker game, it was against him," she said, pointing at the ratlike one. "He had this absolutely _gorgeous_ gold necklace, and I just _had_ to have it, so I won it from him. I'd told him, truthfully, that I was awful at poker, and he believed me, so he anted up the jewelry. He was a rather…sore loser…" Mist smiled happily. "I think I still have it somewhere…" she began to search her pockets. "Aha!" she cried triumphantly as she pulled out a glittering gold necklace. Its decoration was a knot that looked vaguely Celtic, inlaid with small sapphires.

"Wow…" Pan breathed, "it's beautiful! Why don't you wear it?"

"Are you kidding me?" Mist laughed. "I was living with _pirates_, remember?" She was feeling a lot better. Something just felt right about these three. She was having more fun talking, joking, and laughing together with the three strangers with odd names than she'd had in her whole life, even back at home before her parents had left.

"What about him?" Goku inquired, interrupting her thoughts as he pointed to the final guy.

"I'm…not really sure," Mist said, biting her lip. "After I had won the necklace, I was dumb enough to wear it. He and his gang tried to mug me for it. I wasn't ready to give up the jewelry I had worked so hard for, and I got really mad…I don't remember exactly what happened, but next thing I knew, he had turned tail and was running away. I think this 'other personality' you were talking about took over, because he was pretty beat up, and my clothes were all ripped…" She shrugged. "So that's my side of the story. What next?" These words reminded her: no one had ever wanted anything to do with her after she had lost her temper. These three probably just pitied her. She'd be a burden, a hindrance to them, if she really had a mean, nasty side to her. She sighed, and stood up. "I'd better go now."

"Wait! Where are you going?" Trunks asked.

Mist shrugged. "Wherever the next ship willing to take another passenger is going." She walked out of the alley, shoulders slumped, a gloomy note in her step.

Pan ran after her, blocking her way. She put her hands on her hips, and stared down the girl only an inch taller than she was. "Now, wait just a minute!" she demanded.

"Why?" Mist asked, depression settling in once more. "I'm leaving you three to your quest. I'm not too good at heroism. I'd only get in the way." She brushed past Pan. "Good luck with it. I really hope you can save your planet. 'Bye."

Goku flew up into the air, coming down in front of the departing girl, blocking her way once more. "What are you talking about? We want you to come with us!"

Mist looked at him skeptically. "No, you don't. Trust me. I don't want to make friends with you guys, only to be left behind again as soon as you figure out that I'm good for absolutely nothing." She kept going.

"But you can help us," Trunks argued, catching up to her and putting his hand on her shoulder. "We can really use your knowledge of the planets around here." He handed her the purple scarf she usually wore. "Please. Believe us. We'd never abandon you."

"Besides," Pan grinned cheekily, "you're the only one I can beat at Go Fish! It'd be boring without you around!"

Giru, who'd been hiding in Pan's bag up until now, poked his head out. "Please come with us?" he asked. "Giru like Mist, even though she doesn't like Giru."

Mist looked around at the four space voyagers. "Are you…really serious? You want me to come with you?"

Nod, nod.

"This isn't some sort of cruel joke?"

Nod, nod.

Mist looked at them, at the scarf in her hand, then back up at them. Their faces were sincere, showing no trace of deceit, malice, or cruelty—not even the robot. She swallowed, then briskly tied her headband back on. She looked at them, a half-smile on her face. "Okay, then," she finally answered, "you've got yourself a navigator."

"Yay!" Pan cried, jumping into the air. "Finally, another girl to hang out with!" She hugged Mist. "Welcome to the crew!"

"Awesome!" Goku said happily. "Can you fight at all?"

"Not…really…" Mist sweatdropped as Pan began to drag her back towards the ship.

"Well, that's okay, I'll teach you!" Pan grinned, not letting go of Mist's wrist. "Can you cook?"

"Nope," Mist answered. "Just so you know, I can't cook, clean, or sew. I'm rather what you'd call domestically challenged…"

"That's okay," Trunks smiled, "as long as you can tell us about the planets the balls are on."

"Sure, I can do that no problem," Mist said confidently. The five headed back to the spaceship, laughing happily, confident that they'd be fine.

_On the next episode of DragonBall GT...Goku, Pan, Trunks, and their new companion, Mist, track down the six-star Dragon Ball. However, there is a naitive creature on this planet with the incredible power to cause earthquakes. With the local village under his thrall, our heroes and heroines must defeat this beast, involving some indignity on Trunks' part. Will Trunks be able to stand the humiliation and successfully infiltrate Zoonama's lair? Find out next time on DragonBall GT._


	3. Trunks, the Bride

Title: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Dragon Balls

Author's Note: I'm writing this at 12:45 AM, due to the fact that I can't sleep. Probably not the smartest thing to do, as I have school tomorrow, but what the heck, it's fanfic. Besides, this is one of my favorite episodes…is a sucker for cross-dressing purple-haired bishonen (coughYUKIcough)

By the way, as this story will be following the plot of the TV series from now on, it contains spoilers galore. Just so you know…

You guys reviewed! I love you! hands out Kibito Kai plushies to all

Anasso: Thank you!

Flesi Kamez: Thanks! Yeah, we learned the word "scheisse" by accident…someone mispronounced "schiesse" and the teacher told us what it meant, so my friends and I have a habit of screaming "SCHEISSE!" whenever we drop our books or something. One of my friends in German III told me that "mist" means "crap", and thus screams "MIST!" instead of "SCHEISSE!". It's sad…I've been taking German for nine years now, and I'm still in German II…sweatdrops But thanks for the review:D

Kakoratt 101: Nope, the name "Lady LeBeau" is an X-Men reference…I've got a thing for Gambit, you see…U

DISCLAIMER: I've been forgetting this! DragonBall is the creation of Toriyama-_sensei_, and I have no clue who wrote GT…_Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ belongs to Douglas Adams—I just ripped off the title. So stop following me around, stupid lawyers!

_On the last episode of DragonBall GT...Goku, Pan, and Trunks have finally convinced Mist, a galactic hitchhiker with a split personality, to join their crew and help them on their hunt for the Black Star Dragon Balls. After Goku stealthily retrieved the four-star ball from a band of pirates, he, Trunks, Pan, and their new friend Mist continue their Dragon Ball hunt. Where will it lead them next? Find out on today's DragonBall GT. _

Title: Trunks, the Bride

Pan and Mist sat on the floor of the control room, playing Go Fish again. Goku and Trunks sat in the seats in front of them, Goku snacking, Trunks watching the game while keeping an eye on the ship's course.

"You never get tired of this, do you?" Mist groaned. "You win again."

"Nope! This is my favorite game ever!" Pan grinned. "Want to play again?"

"No, thanks," replied Mist, standing up and stretching.

"Aww, come on!" Pan pouted. "I'm sure you'll win this time!"

"I doubt it," Mist laughed. "Soo…" she leaned over Trunks' chair, "where's our next Dragon Ball?"

"Some planet in the Kasshin system," Trunks replied. "You been there before?"

"Nope," Mist replied. "From what I've heard, they don't do any space travel, so I have no clue what they look like. They keep to themselves."

"Speaking of the Dragon Ball…" Pan interjected, "where'd Giru get to?"

The ship's passengers fell silent. They heard a crunching noise, almost inaudible over the hum of the engines. As one, they looked down to see Giru, happily munching a control panel. Mist shuddered, Trunks sighed, Goku kept eating, and Pan clenched her fists, a furious look on her face. "_Giiiiiiru,_" she growled, looking as though she were about to explode.

Giru stared up at the angry teenager. "…giru?" it chirped meekly.

Thirty seconds later, the little robot was tied up and dangling from the ceiling. "Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru!" it sobbed. "Not fair! Not fair!"

"Muahahahaha!" Pan laughed, surveying her handiwork. "Now, you stay there for a while and think about what you did."

"Giru! Giru! Giru! Trunks! Help! Giru!" Giru pleaded.

"Maybe we should think of a different punishment," Trunks suggested. "This seems a bit harsh to me."

"Not for eating a control panel!" Pan insisted. "It's practically mutiny!"

"You know," Mist suggested, "on that pirate ship, the penalty for mutiny was keelhaul…"

"K-k-k-keelhaul!" Giru gasped. "Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru!" it cried in a panic.

"Great idea, Mist," Pan grinned evilly.

"You know, Trunks is right. This is rather harsh," Goku commented. "Why don't you just feed him until he's full? That always works for me when _I'm_ hungry."

"Would you mind!" Pan screamed. "I'm trying to discipline him!" She gestured toward Giru with the hand that held the scissors. "Besides, what do you intend to feed him? Navigation equipment? Landing gear? Why not our life support system? Ack!" she cried as the scissors left her hands and disappeared into Giru.

"Sorry, Pan," Giru apologized, "it was too delicious to resist."

She crossed her arms, glaring. "Try that again, and you're headed for the scrap pile," she said flatly.

Trunks sighed. "One thing's for certain: we need to find an energy supply for Giru. If we want any peace of mind around here, that is."

"We need new scissors, too," Pan commented.

"Hey, look!" Goku said, pointing out the window. "There it is!"

The four peered out at it.

"Planets are just so beautiful," Pan sighed.

"Yeah," Trunks agreed, "especially the ones with Dragon Balls!"

"I dunno," Mist shrugged. "After a while, planets all start to look the same."

"Where's your sense of wonder?" Pan demanded.

"Right where I left it behind," Mist answered. Pan stuck her tongue out.

"Giru! Giru! Dragon Ball detected! Ahead 10,200 kilometers! Giru, Giru! Confirmed! Dragon Ball ahead 10,200 kilometers!"

Trunks ran this information by the computer. "Yup," he said, "that'd put us right on the surface. There's no doubt about it: that beauty is definitely holding a Dragon Ball."

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The five passengers exited the ship, happily stretching as they breathed in the fresh air. The landscape was reminiscent of some places in England: all rolling green hills with little vegetation other than grass and some shrubs here and there. The five began to walk.

And walk.

And walk some more.

"My feet hurt," Mist complained. "How far away is this Dragon Ball, anyway?"

"Not far now," Trunks assured her, checking the radar. "It looks to me like it's somewhere in this village up ahead."

"Oh, how peaceful," Pan sighed. On a second glance, however, she scratched her chin. "It's a little too peaceful."

"Yeah," Trunks agreed, "there's not a soul around."

"Well, we won't find out why unless we go down there," Mist said matter-of-factly, beginning her descent.

"Dragon Ball straight ahead! Dragon Ball straight ahead!" Giru informed them. "Forward 100 meters!"

They entered the village, walking between the houses. "Is this the right direction, Giru?" Trunks asked the robot, who'd taken refuge on his shoulder.

"Affirmative! Dragon Ball near! 10 meters ahead! Giru!"

As they kept walking, they encountered a large crowd gathered around the biggest house. "I wonder what they're doing," Pan thought aloud. They approached the crowd. Trunks stood on tiptoe, trying to see over the heads of the native inhabitants, while Goku, Pan, and Mist opted to weave through the crowd. They made their way to the center, and saw a sad-looking girl with pointed ears sitting at a table.

"Hey! How's it going?" Trunks greeted a man in the crowd.

"Huh?" The entire crowd turned to look at him.

"'Scuse us, but is everything okay here?" he asked.

"No," the villager said gravely. "Zoonama has come."

"Zoonama?" Goku looked puzzled. "Who is Zoonama?"

"Dragon Ball discovered!" Giru interrupted. "Dragon Ball in hair! Dragon Ball in hair! Giru! Giru!" He pointed at the seated girl, whose braided ponytail ended wrapped around a Dragon Ball.

"Ah!" the three residents of Earth gasped, running through the crowd, leaving Mist behind, wondering at their enthusiasm.

"Yep! That's a Dragon Ball!" Pan said happily.

Trunks reached into his pocket. "We have the four-star ball…which one do they have?"

"One, two three, four, five, six," Goku counted. "It's the six-star ball!" he and his two fellow Saiyans chorused.

"I'll never understand how they do that," Mist muttered.

"Enough," commanded a serious-looking man with the same design on his cheek and pointed ears as the woman with the strange hair ornamentation. "Who are you, and why do you trespass in our village?"

"You'll have to forgive us…really…" Trunks explained, slightly sheepish. "It's just that that ball is ours, and we need it." He met the skeptical stares of the villagers. "Oh, boy…what I mean to say is, your ball can save the lives of millions of our people. If it's not too much trouble, do you think we can have it?"

"You endanger yourselves by being here," the man said. "We have no idea when Zoonama will return. We can't worry about your people—we have our own problems."

"Doma!" the woman admonished him. "In our hardship, let's not forget others' needs."

"Yes, Laine," the man said, obviously wrapped around her little finger.

"This is the second time you guys have talked about Zoonama," Mist said. "Who on earth _is_ he?"

"Yes!" Pan said happily. "Maybe there's a way we can help you!"

"We made a rude entrance," Trunks said diplomatically. "We'd like to make it up to you, if you'll let us."

Doma, Laine, and the old man who was standing near them looked at each other. After a quick cut, they had decided to talk it over over a meal. As with all the times Goku ate, he amazed the villagers by the sheer amount he consumed.

"Zoonama…" the old man began. "That name strikes fear in our hearts. He has been the scourge of this village for some time now. He is an evil god, a monster who can cause the earth to tremble just by shaking his whiskers! There is no light in his heart, only darkness. We have tried to appease him by offering our greatest treasures: our freshest nuts, our most golden grain, but he is no longer interested in treasure. Nothing satisfies him anymore. Now…he wants our women."

"He wants your _what!_" the four travelers chorused. Mist raised her eyebrows. Now _she_ was doing it!

Suddenly, Giru spoke up. "Immense power detected! Danger approaching! Danger approaching!"

"He's coming!" a villager outside yelled.

"Doma…" Laine trembled, burying her face in his shirt.

"Danger approaching! Danger approaching! Not safe! Not safe! Giru! Giru! Giru!" he repeated, running in circles.

Pan tripped him, sending him flying, as the four stared out the window. "We heard you already! You are so annoying!"

A huge monstrosity walked though the village. It looked like a cross between a giant ugly teddy bear and an eel. He laughed.

"_That's_ Zoonama?" Mist said in disgust.

Before anyone could reply, Zoonama spoke. "Well, my peasants, have you decided on a bride for me yet?" he asked, voice deep and slightly grating, exactly what you'd expect from a giant amphibian.

"Eww…" Mist stuck her tongue out. "This ugly monster wants to marry one of your girls? That's sick!"

"No kidding," Trunks replied. "No one would consent to that, would they?"

They turned as one to look at the old man, who lowered his gaze. "I'm afraid we don't have any choice in the matter. My daughter Laine is to be his bride."

"What?" Trunks exclaimed. "You can't turn her over to a monster like that! That's like making a sacrifice of her!" He seemed really worked up about it.

Outside, Zoonama began to dance happily. "Oh, I'm finally entering the hallowed state of matrimony," he said gleefully. "Do this! Do that! Do this! Do that!" he acted, clapping his hands. "Hold me! Kiss me! Now scratch my back and rub my feet! Oh, yes, lovely marriage!"

Trunks, Pan, Goku, and Mist stared at him in disgust. "What an outdated idea of marriage," Mist said scornfully. "Typical man."

Trunks and Goku glared at her. "Hey!"

"Oh…sorry…present company excepted," Mist added, sweatdropping.

"That's better."

"Make me lunch! Make me dinner!" Zoonama continued. Suddenly, he sobered. "Where's my bri-ide?"

"No, Zoonama! We beg you!" a villager cried in desperation.

"Oh, I like it when people beg me," Zoonama grinned. "But…" his whiskers began to vibrate, "only a bride can stop the quake…"

The earth shook, causing dishes to crash and food to spill. The house was in disarray within seconds. The four visitors quickly lost their balance. Mist let out an ear-piercing wail that temporarily deafened all in the immediate vicinity.

"Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh, it's an earthquake! We're gonna diiiiiiiie!"

"Shut up!" Pan, Trunks, and Goku shouted at her.

"Eeep…" Mist whimpered, curling up into a ball.

"Oooh, I _love_ to shake things up!" Zoonama cried gleefully. "How about a picture of the groom?" He began to dance. "Shake it, baby! Shake it! Yeah!"

Mist, who had poked her face above the windowsill just in time to see Zoonama attempt to strut his stuff, fell to the floor, rubbing her eyes. "It buuuurns…" she moaned. "Does anyone have something I can wash my eyes out with? That thing can't dance to save its life!"

"This defies all logic!" Trunks cried from the floor. "How can he cause an earthquake by doing that?"

"His attraction to human girls makes no sense either!" Mist said shakily. "Aren't there any pretty lady monsters around here?"

"So where's my bride-to-be?" Zoonama demanded. "If she doesn't show in one minute, I'll erupt a volcano and torch this place!"

Laine struggled to her feet, and tried to make her way over to Zoonama, who had raised his arms. "So be it! Let the magma flow! Blow your stack! Let it go! Go! Go!"

"ZOONAMA!" Laine shouted.

Zoonama turned around, a goofy grin on his face. "So," he said, "you want to be the wife of the great Zoonama and join me in my love nest and watch me shake the world with my massive power? Is that it?"

" '_Love nest'!_" Mist shuddered. "That's a scary concept, especially coming from him…"

"I don't want to think about it," Pan replied.

"No, I do not!" Laine shouted. "But if you will stop the quake and save my people, I…I'd be willing to give it a try."

"She's giving her consent!" Pan shouted.

"_What!_" Trunks gasped.

"Jeez, I didn't think anyone really talked like that," Mist said in disbelief. "What a drama queen!"

"Hey!" Pan shouted, annoyed. "I think she's being very brave! Would _you_ rather marry that thing?"

"…no thanks…" Mist sweatdropped.

"Then shut up!"

"Laine!" Doma shouted. "No!"

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Zoonama inspected Laine closely, grinning slightly lecherously.

"Laine! No!" Doma cried, fighting to get free of the villagers restraining him.

"Try to bear with it, Doma!" one argued. "Many lives are at stake!"

"Trunks, we've got to _do_ something!" Pan cried.

"I won't let her do it! I can't!" Doma fought to get to Laine with all his strength. He paused when he heard Zoonama speak.

"Yes! You really are cute, aren't you?" He grinned. "You pass the test." He inspected her clothes with distaste. "You clothing, however, is another story. Ixnay on the old rags, baby. Get yourself a decent wedding dress, and I'll be back to pick you up tomorrow." He walked away, calling over his shoulder, "Until tomorrow, my sweet!"

Laine fainted.

A bit later, Trunks, Pan and Mist stood over Laine, who lay on a bed. (Goku was off trying to pilfer food from the kitchen.)

"Don't worry, Laine!" Pan declared. "We'll beat Zoonama for you!" Then, she remembered the Dragon Ball. "Say…if we beat Zoonama, can we have that ball so we can help our people?"

"Young lady, if you beat Zoonama, you can have whatever you'd like," the old man said. "But is such a feat possible?"

"Oh, we may _seem_ young," Pan said happily, "but Trunks and Goku have lots of experience. They do this sort of thing all the time at home! In fact, they're actually the two strongest men on our planet! Right, Trunks?"

"…they are?" Mist raised an eyebrow.

"Well…there's my dad…and my good friends Gohan and Goten…but I guess I'm somewhere in the top five…" Trunks looked really embarrassed. "Of course, there's Piccolo, too…"

Pan elbowed him in the gut. "Will you be quiet! I'm trying to build you up, so just play along!" Loudly, she declared, "Well, folks, I guess it's settled, then! Of course, there aren't really any other options! The four of us will stand up and fight Zoonama for you!"

"Thank you," Laine said gratefully.

"_Four!_" Mist hissed to Pan. "I thought I told you: I'm no good at heroism! I turn tail and run as soon as I see something scary!"

"Don't worry!" Pan whisered back. "You'll get used to it!"

Mist sighed. "Greeeeat…"

"I will fight, too," Doma declared. "He may be strong, but my love for you is stronger still. I cannot live without you, Laine…"

"Aww!" Pan cried. Mist slapped her forehead in despair at the sheer drama of the people on this planet.

"Now _that's_ the kind of courage our tribe needs!" Laine's father declared.

Goku walked into the room, holding a plate full of some sort of pastry.

"We'll fight him together," Trunks declared. "It may get rough; Zoonama has dangerous powers."

"He sure does," Goku chimed in, "but what he's doing is wrong, and that gives us the advantage!"

A middle-aged woman thwacked Goku on the head and confiscated the plate. "You bad boy! Didn't I tell you this food was for Laine?"

The occupants of the village stared in disbelief at the petty larceny of the hero. After looking sad for a moment, Goku's expression turned serious. "Well, I guess it's time to get serious." He began to practice punching and kicking the air.

"Well, Doma," Trunks said, "if you're okay about working together, let's get down to business."

"But…this guy can cause freaking _earthquakes!_" Mist cried. "I'm not a suicidal teen, thank you very much! How on earth are we going to beat him?"

"I already have a plan," Pan winked. "But we'll need a wedding dress if you have one…"

"You three are insane," Mist muttered.

Laine got up and led them to it. "Gosh," Pan said admiringly, "that is beautiful, Laine! On our planet, brides usually wear white, but I like this better!"

"Thank you," Laine replied. "Doma and I were to be wed next week…"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Pan cheered. "That's one dream that's definitely going to come true!"

"Thanks, Pan," Doma said. "You give us hope."

"But wait," Goku wondered. "What are you going to do with Laine's wedding dress?"

"I'm glad you asked," Pan laughed, smiling innocently.

A few minutes later…

"ARE YOU CRAZY!"

"Hold still, Grandpa!"

"Forget it!" Goku shouted, as Pan tried to wrestle him into the dress. "I am NOT dressing up like a girl! I tried that before, and it didn't work!"

Large sweatdrops appeared on the heads of Trunks and Mist, who were watching the proceedings.

"What? Right! Liar! When?" Pan asked, between shoves.

"When I was a kid!" Goku explained.

"He _did?_" Mist asked. Trunks shrugged. Mist made a mental note to get Goku to tell that particular story.

"That's great! You have experience!" Mist said happily as she finally got Goku into the dress. "It _has_ to be you 'cause you're the strongest! It's perfect! Zoonama thinks you're Laine and takes you to his lair, and when he lets his guard down, you use _these_ on him!" She pulled a cloth off of an enormous pair of scissors. "Ta-da!"

Goku, Trunks, and even Giru winced in shock and sympathetic pain. Mist began to laugh hysterically. "Wow, Pan, when it comes to incapacitating bad guys, you sure don't mess around!"

"It's a little severe, isn't it?" Trunks asked, an absolutely priceless look of horror on his face. Mist laughed even harder.

"I get it…" Goku mused. "The scissors are for cutting off his whiskers, right?"

"Yup! No more whiskers means no more earthquakes!"

"Ohh…they're for his _whiskers_...eheheh…" Mist laughed nervously.

"What else would they be for?"

"…never mind…" Trunks and Mist chorused.

"It might work," Goku said, "but this disguise won't. I look absolutely ridiculous!"

Pan studied him in the mirror. "Hmm…you're right. You look like a total idiot, Grandpa."

"Hey! I never said I looked like an idiot! That's harsh!"

"It's not you, it's the dress," Pan said thoughtfully. "We need someone taller." They looked at each other.

Mist suddenly noticed that Trunks was no longer standing next to her. He was tiptoeing towards the door.

"Oh, Tru-unks!" Pan and Goku chorused. Trunks screamed.

A few minutes later, Trunks was sitting miserably in a chair, dressed as one of the prettiest brides you ever saw. Goku and Mist were laughing their heads off. Trunks looked about to cry.

"Hey, don't take it so hard, you actually look pretty good!" Goku laughed.

"Yeah, the skirt matches your hair! That's a nice touch!" Pan added. Mist was laughing too hard to say anything. Trunks wanted to die. _If only my father could see me now..._

"We just need to jazz up your hair a little bit, add some make-up, and you'll be the cutest pretend bride in the whole village!" Pan giggled.

"What! Forget it!" Trunks protested.

"Make up your mind! Do you want to save the Earth or not?" Pan demanded.

"I…guess…"

They set to work. Mist pinned back Trunks' bangs, while Pan and Laine applied the make-up. Trunks was frozen stiff in horror, dreading the moment when their task was completed.

That moment came all too soon. Pan applied the final touches of lipstick, and Laine set a black wig on his head. "Take a look at the new you!" Pan declared happily, turning him towards the mirror.

Trunks came very close to fainting. Lipstick, blush, and mascara had all been overused. We won't describe the full horror/delight of seeing Trunks in drag. Just imagine it…unless, of course, you've seen this episode, in which case you've witnessed it with your own eyes, and we don't need to describe it. So there's no point.

Ahem. Moving on. Mist was enjoying herself tremendously. "Heheheh…heeheehee…oh my gosh…you're so _cute!_ Hey, now I think I know why they call them the _Drag_on Balls…"

"Shut up."

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The next morning…

"Why me…?" Trunks moaned, fully bedecked with a veil and bouquet.

"…because you're the only one the dress fits?" Mist answered.

"It was a rhetorical question," Trunks retorted.

"Oh. Sorry."

"I hate that you have to do this, Trunks," Laine said, approaching. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, hey, no biggie," Trunks replied, smiling. _The things I do for Dragon Balls..._

"You're so pretty when you smile!" Mist teased. "Zoonama's one lucky guy!"

"I thought I told you to shut up."

"Ready to go, Trunks?" Doma asked, scissors strapped to his back.

"Be careful, Doma," Laine cautioned him. "If I lose you, I've lost everything."

Mist sighed. _It's a freaking planet of drama queens..._

The middle-aged woman who had confiscated Trunks' food handed a pitcher to Pan. "Here, make sure Trunks gives this to Zoonama. Trust me, it will be easy to cut off his whiskers if he drinks this!" She winked.

"Oh, thank you very much!" Pan smiled.

"Hey," Goku said, "can I try some of that?"

"Absolutely not! Strong drink's not for children!" the woman scolded.

"But I eat Chichi's food all the time…"

"Prepare yourself, Trunks," Pan declared, "you're going to have to give the performance of a lifetime! If Zoonama finds out you're not Laine, it's all over."

"Oh, that won't happen," Trunks tried out, his voice unnaturally high. "I really _am_ Laine, silly girl!"

Mist sighed. "It sounds like someone kicked you in the Dragon Balls. Try to talk softer and more gently. And smile as much as you can!"

"Like this?" Trunks asked.

"Better. Now get out there and knock him dead!" Mist cheered.

Pan called. "You can do it!"

"Trunks!" Doma called from the balcony. "It's Zoonama! He's here!"

Zoonama entered the village, looking almost comical in a bow tie. He skipped along, humming the wedding march to himself. "Da dum da dum, da dum da dum…" he sang, snapping his fingers. When he reached the main house, he bent over, peering onto the porch. "All right, come on out, my sweet!"

"Trunks! That's your cue!" Pan hissed. "Break a leg!" she whispered.

Trunks ran out the door, immediately tripping on his long skirt.

"I didn't mean literally!"

"We're screwed," Mist muttered.

"Oh, La-aine, dear! It's Zoonama! Where are you?" Zoonama quickly lost patience. "GET OUT HERE, OR I"LL LEVEL THIS WHOLE PLACE WITH A QUAKE AND LEVEL THE REMAINS WITH LAVA! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

"I'm up he-ere, Zoonama," Trunks called as sweetly as he could. Mist had to choke down giggles. "You big ugly tub of lard," he muttered as he brushed himself off and adjusted his veil.

"Did I just hear you whispering, Laine?" Zoonama asked, poking his head above the balcony. "Keeping secrets from the groom, eh?"

"Oh, no," Trunks assured him with just a touch of sarcasm, "I would never _dream_ of hiding anything from _you!_"

"Hmm…" Zoonama studied Trunks. "There's something different about you today. I can't put my finger on it…I think it's your voice."

"Trunks!" Pan hissed from behind a bush that was inexplicably growing on a second-floor balcony. "Your acting stinks! You have to be more demure!" Trunks' eyes went wide, but he quickly composed himself.

Zoonama noticed. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, nothing's wrong," Trunks crooned in false falsetto, "I just caught a bit of a cold last night, is all."

"What a relief," Zoonama said happily. "I wouldn't want my bride to change a bit. Now come closer, and let's have a look at your beautiful face."

"Uh-oh…" Mist muttered.

"Wedding veils are nice," Zoonama continued, "but let me sneak a little peek at you."

Trunks summed up the thoughts of all present: _If he lifts off this veil, it's all over!_

_One of the Earth's most eligible bachelors puts it all on the line to save two planets. Can Trunks pass the test, or is the operation to disarm Zoonama about to come to a screeching halt? Stay tuned for scenes from the next DragonBall GT._

_In Zoonama's lair, the happy groom is beside himself. But when reinforcements arrive, Trunks' cover is blown, and the covert operation is blown into an all-out war. And when the forces of nature get out of control, both bad and good have only one thing in mind: survival. Don't miss the next DragonBall GT._

end of episode

Wow…that took me over four hours…it's five AM now, about when I usually get up…oh, well, off to school! Maybe I can nap on the bus…


	4. Whisker Power

Title: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Dragon Balls

Here's another chappy for you all...SPOILERS in this one, too...heck, the entire fanfic'll be pretty much all spoilers from now on...

I finished chappy4 this afternoon, but no more will be coming for a while, as it's Spring Break and I'm off to visit my dad in Indy. Maybe I'll write some on Monday.

Disclaimer: Look, you stupid lawyers, if I owned DragonBall, Piccolo would still be alive, Pan and Giru would get together, and Trunks would be a permanent resident of my closet. Good thing I don't own it, huh?

_On the last GT…a Dragon Ball was discovered in a small village on a remote planet, but the villagers had much bigger concerns than to part with a Dragon Ball. The evil Zoonama was threatening to destroy their entire community unless the villagers handed over one of their young women to be his bride. Rather than face total destruction, the villagers agreed to meet the monster's wicked demand. However, the betrothed wasn't a woman at all, but a powerful warrior carefully disguised to look like the ultimate bride-to-be. The plan: to infiltrate Zoonama's lair and cut off his quake-producing whiskers. Wedding bells ring today on DragonBall GT. _

Whisker Power

Trunks stood, bedecked in a colorful wedding gown and veil, attempting to hide behind his bouquet. Zoonama leaned over said balcony. "Come closer, my sweet Laine," he rumbled. "Stop being so shy."

"It's…just that I hardly know you," Trunks' voice was unnaturally high.

"Don't be afraid, silly," Zoonama reassured "her", "I just want to see your pretty face!"

Trunks backed away. Goku, Pan, Doma, Giru, and Mist crouched behind a bush, watching fearfully. "This could get ugly," Goku pointed out.

"You mean, uglier," Mist whispered, glancing at Zoonama.

"Something's different about you," Zoonama continued, "but I can't put my finger on it."

"I-it must be the wedding dress," Trunks stuttered.

Zoonama peered around Trunks' figure, from one side to the other, while Trunks kept turning away. "Perhaps you're right," Zoonama conceded, "it's your veil." He rested his arms on the balcony. "Why not take it off?"

_Great, _Trunks thought, _what am I going to do now? I'm sunk!_

Pan and Mist hid behind a cardboard cutout of two potted bushes and a cactus. They moved it up to right behind Trunks. "Come on!" Pan hissed. "You're too stiff! Be creative for goodness sake!"

"Remember what's riding on this performance!" Mist whispered as well. "Use your feminine wiles! Trust me, you've got it, so flaunt it!"

"I'm trying!" Trunks hissed back.

"What's that, Laine?" Zoonama asked, having overheard Trunks' last statement.

"I'm dying to remove my veil," Trunks corrected himself, "_but…_it's not proper till we're alone!" He held his bouquet to the side of his face coquettishly.

Pan and Mist fell over in shock, knocking over the cardboard cutout. Goku and Doma hauled them back behind the real bush.

"That was a close call," Doma breathed. "Trunks really came through with that one."

"I dunno, it seems like he's skating on thin ice to me," Pan whispered.

"Hey! Before the ice breaks, what do ya say we attack Zoonama?" Goku suggested.

"ARE YOU NUTS!" Pan hissed. "HE COULD USE A VOLCANO TO TORCH THIS WHOLE VILLAGE! Let's use our heads!"

"Um…guys?" Mist trembled, "c-c-could you get this thing off my back?" She was lying prone on the floor, shaking in fear, as Giru sat on her shoulders.

Pan and Goku anime fell. "You only just noticed?"

"How cute," Zoonama said, breaking up the argument. "What a refined young lady."

"Oh! Why thank you!" Trunks smiled.

"Come, Laine," Zoonama said, "let's go find some privacy. I know a place where you can let your hair down." He picked Trunks up and cradled him in his hand as he leapt down from the balcony.

"Where are we going, Zoonama?" Trunks asked, dreading the answer.

"Where else?" Zoonama asked. "To my little love nest!"

Mist snickered. Trunks moaned in despair. Zoonama carried him out of the village. Pan, Goku, and Doma leapt down from the balcony (Mist used the stairs). "All right! Everything is going according to my plan!" Pan declared. "Now, let's go! We can't lose sight of them!"

Zoonama plodded along, Trunks in hand. "You smell good," he complimented his "bride".

"Oh, you! Please!" Trunks laughed. He was beginning to get the hang of this. Suddenly, Zoonama's whisker began to caress his face.

"Your skin is so soft," Zoonama complimented further.

_It is? I never noticed,_ Trunks thought. _Must be all that powder stuff those girls put on._ However, the intruding whisker was annoying, so he slapped it away.

Zoonama stopped. "Laine, don't _ever_ touch my whiskers. Do you want me to cause a volcano to erupt and destroy your village?"

This deception was giving Trunks the ability to think on his feet. "But I was only trying to protect you!" he said smoothly. "A mosquito landed on your whisker and was about to bite!"

"I see. Sorry about that, you sweet little thing," he smiled. Trunks grimaced, then laughed modestly.

Zoonama left the path, and informed Trunks, "We're almost there."

"Almost where?" Trunks asked nervously as they walked through the bushes.

They emerged into a clearing, dotted with puddles. "To a place where no one will ever bother us again," Zoonama answered. "It's my little secret."

Trunks looked at the swampy clearing. "Oh, it's…uh…nice…"

"This isn't it, silly!" Zoonama chastised him. "Now, take a deep breath!" He then leapt up in the air and into the puddle. They swam through a deep tunnel, Trunks struggling to stay conscious.

Up above, Pan, head camouflaged with leaves, poked her head out of the bushes. "That's strange," she mused. "It's like they just disappeared!"

"But we can't lose them," Doma stated the obvious. "That would put Trunks in great danger.

"Must find Trunks! Giru!" Giru chirped from his perch on Goku's back. Mist twitched.

"Hey, no sweat, Doma, we're fine!" Goku reassured his companion. "I can track down anyone anywhere!"

In the water, Zoonama kept swimming. Trunks was still struggling. It felt like an iron band was tightening around his skull. _I hope this makeup's waterproof…_he thought. Suddenly, Zoonama emerged in an underground cavern. He shook himself off like a dog. "We're here," he informed his unconscious bride.

Trunks opened his eyes, and looked around at the cave. "Gosh, Zoonama," he said. "It's…uh…it's so you!" Zoonama laughed.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Goku sniffed at the edges of a puddle, wincing as a drop fell on his nose.

Mist stared at him in disbelief. "What are you, a dog?"

"Nope! A monkey," Goku replied.

"That's weird!" Pan said in exasperation. "There are puddles, but it hasn't rained. What's up with that?"

"Goku! Pan! Over here!" Doma called. He pointed at a pink flower floating in the water. "Look! This flower…Isn't that one that Laine picked out for Trunks' disguise?"

"I think you're right," Pan mused. "But would they have dove in?"

"You know, I've seen something like this before," Mist said. "There was this underground network of caves, but it was all underwater. The entrance to the cave looked like a puddle. The only problem was, the caves had been carved out by underground lava flows. Zoonama probably uses a volcano as his hideout, and accesses it through these tunnels!" she deduced, looking quite proud of herself.

"I'm gonna find out!" Goku declared, tossing his clothing aside.

Pan, Mist, and Doma looked, and had mixed reactions. Doma averted his eyes modestly, Mist collapsed onto the ground, eyes spiraling in shock, and Pan screamed at her grandfather. "Jeez! Put some clothes on, Grandpa, you're gross!" she berated, tossing Goku's clothes back at him. "Who do you think you are, parading around like that!" she screamed, as Giru ran around in circles, doing what could only be described as spazzing out. "BE QUIET!" Pan yelled, toe making forceful contact with Giru, knocking him into a tree. He landed, unconscious, next to Mist.

Mist's eyes stopped spinning. She rubbed them. "Is he decent?" She looked around, and saw Giru. "Yeep!" she squeaked, leaping up into the tree, clinging to the bottom branch in robot-induced terror.

Goku tied his clothes around his head, and dove into the puddle. Doma turned to Pan. "I'm not trying to be nosy, Pan, but is Goku really your grandfather?"

"Yes, unfortunately." Pan crossed her arms.

"Strange," Doma mused. "Here we start small, grow big, and then shrivel."

Goku's head broke the surface of the water. "Mist was right. There's a tunnel down there. It looks like it leads to some caverns. I bet that's where Zoonama took Trunks!"

Inside Zoonama's lair, said amphibian was looking through a row of dresses. "Laine, my dear, you really should slip into something more comfortable."

"Oh…ah…could you pick something out for me?" Trunks asked.

"I'd be happy to," Zoonama answered.

Trunks backed away, intending to explore a little. He walked over to a fissure in the cavern wall, losing his veil on the way. He peered inside, and was confronted with a pool of boiling magma. "Oh, great. Lava," he moaned. "That means we're inside a volcano!" He wiped sweat from his chin, smudging his lipstick.

"Laine!" Zoonama called. Trunks turned around quickly, causing his wig to fall off. "I have the perfect dress for you, my sweet!"

"Thank you!" Trunks said, walking towards the dress, purple hair showing for all the world to see. "How pretty! I love it!"

Zoonama noticed. He looked from Trunks, to the wig, and back to Trunks. "You there! You're not my Laine, are you?"

Trunks felt his hair nervously. "…not good…" He took a fighting stance as Zoonama advanced.

"How dare you!" Zoonama growled. "No one tricks Zoonama and lives!" He paused. "But you! You're a different story! I can forgive _you_ because you're sooo cute!" Trunks' eyes bugged out in shock. Zoonama picked him up. "I love short hair on young women! And your physique! How athletic! What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Me? Uh…I'm Trunksette!"

"Trunksette, you are the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Zoonama declared.

Trunks sighed inwardly. _Man, this guy REALLY needs to get out more…_

Outside the caverns, Goku, Pan, Doma, and Mist (who'd been coaxed down from the tree) swam through the caves.

Zoonama put his arm around Trunks. "Lovely, isn't it," he said, indicating a large feast on the table. "Don't be shy. This is our wedding banquet! Dig in, sweety!"

Trunks smirked. _This is my chance! It's now or never_, he thought as he pulled out the mysterious alcoholic beverage the woman had given him. He poured it into a large glass. "But first, a toast to our newfound love!" He held up the glass. "Here's to a long and happy and healthy life together!"

"Oh, how sweet," Zoonama said. "You go ahead, I'm not thirsty." Trunks gulped. Zoonama continued, "Don't let me stop you, Trunksette. Bottoms up!"

"But sweetie, it's our wedding day! You have to!" he protested.

"…no, I don't," Zoonama argued.

"But it's part of the celebration! Just one?" he wheedled.

Zoonama growled. "If you want it, you drink it!"

Trunks tried not to panic. _Think of something, Trunks…_ "Eeeyah!" he cried, giving a passable imitation of a feminine shriek of disgust. Zoonama turned to see what he was pointing at, and, while his attention was diverted, Trunks emptied the cup over a plate of rice balls. "Oh, he's gone. It was an ugly old bat. Let's not let him ruin our dinner." He held up the platter. "Zoonama! Try these! They're really delicious!"

Zoonama looked at the food. It did look good. "Are you going to feed me?"

"Yes!" Trunks put the laced rice balls on a spoon and put them into Zoonama's mouth. _As if this guy needed to be any fatter…_

"Mmm! Those are yummy!" Zoonama exclaimed.

"There's plenty where that came from! Here! Have some more!" Trunks picked up the entire platter and shoved it into Zoonama's face. "Just tell me when you've had enough!"

Zoonama turned red. "I've had enough, Trunksette, I've had enough!" he tried to say through the food.

A ways away, Goku's head broke the surface of the water, quickly followed by Doma and Pan. Goku hopped out and put his clothes back on. "Let's go find Trunks!" he declared.

"Wait a moment," Doma called him back. "Where's Mist?"

"Oh, _crap,_" Pan moaned, diving back in, followed by Giru. She looked around, trying to find their fifth companion.

"Giru!" the robot said, echoing through the water. "Mist located!" he said, pointing at the unconscious girl, floating by the tunnel roof. He and Pan took hold of her arms and pulled her to the surface.

"Is she okay?" Goku asked.

"What's it look like!" Pan demanded, pointing to Mist's unconscious form. She immediately began to rhythmically press Mist's ribs, muttering, "You idiot, why didn't you _tell_ us you couldn't hold your breath that long!"

"It's not working!" Doma again exercised his gift for stating the obvious.

Pan thought fast. "Quick, Grandpa, give her mouth-to-mouth!"

Goku nodded. He bent over Mist, took a deep breath, and covered her mouth with his, exhaling as hard as he could.

Mist's eyes opened. As soon as the stars, waves, and UFOs cleared from her vision, she looked straight into the too-close-for-comfort face of Goku. "Yeeek!" she squeaked. "Rapist! Taking advantage of a girl while she's unconscious!"

"What are you talking about? I just saved your life! Besides, I'm married!"

Mist blinked. "…o-kay, you'll have to tell me the story behind that one, too."

"Sssh!" Pan held a finger to her lips. "There's a light over that way…I bet that's where Zoonama and Trunks are!" She led the others down the tunnel. After a while, they heard a _thump!_ and a falsetto "Oh, I'm sorry, did I give you too much, honey?"

"Well, yes, but it was good," Zoonama rumbled, with a burp.

Mist's eyes widened, her mind obviously in the gutter.

"Trunksette!" Zoonamaa demanded. "I want more now!"

Mist snickered.

"But they're gone," Trunks protested. "You just ate them all!"

Mist blinked. "Ye gods!" she whispered.

"No! No, I want more! That's not fair!" Thumping sounds were heard. "I'll cause an earthquake if you don't give me more!"

"Feel like a woman, Trunks?" Mist hissed from behind a pile of knickknacks, surprised to see Trunks still in the wedding dress.

"How's it going?" Pan inquired.

"Bad!" Trunks replied. "I spiked his food and he's going crazy! Back off!"

"Huh? Who's there?" Zoonama asked, peering over Trunks' shoulder.

Doma, Pan, Goku, Mist, and Giru gasped.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Zoonama hiccupped. "I don't know who you are, but I won't let you ruin my time with Trunksette!" he growled.

"Oh, they'd never do that!" Trunks tried to salvage the situation. "These are my good friends, Zoonama! They just wanted to meet y-"

"GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Zoonama demanded, a very violent drunk, as he swatted Trunks into a pile of boxes.

"They need a marriage counselor," Mist muttered.

"Mist, now's not the time for wisecracks!" Goku admonished. "The potion was supposed to relax him, but now he's going ballistic!"

Trunks struggled to stand up, but he hurt all over from the impact. Giru flew in front of him. "Get back! Stay away!" he cried. Mist stared at him. That robot…was it risking its existence…for Trunks? But robots didn't care about anything! What was _with_ that little ball of scrap metal?

"Come to Zoonama," Zoonama taunted as he advanced on the hiding five, pulling Mist out of her thoughts.

"Gladly, wife-stealer!" Pan shouted.

"W-wife-stealer!" Zoonama growled, advancing on her. "How dare you!" He slammed his tail down on the table. Goku flew in at the last second and carried her to safety.

"Thanks, Grandpa."

Goku put her down. "Hey, ugly," he challenged. "You seem to be pretty good at beating up little girls! Why don't you try me, instead?"

"Grr…you'll make a fine snack!" Zoonama shouted as he advanced on Goku. Suddenly, Zoonama stopped, and fell backward with an anticlimactic thud. He lay on his back, laughing to himself occasionally.

"Boy, he's really out of it," Goku commented.

"Good! Now I can finally ditch the dress!" Trunks said happily, pulling on his usual shirt. "You know, I think he really cared," he mused, staring at Zoonama's prone form. "He's a strange one, all right."

"Hey," Mist said, nudging Trunks with her elbow, "what exactly was going on when we came in?"

Trunks raised his eyebrows. "I was feeding him spiked rice balls."

"…that's it?"

"Yup."

"But he was practically begging for more!"

"What can I say? He really liked the rice balls."

"…oh." Mist had been hoping for blackmail material. "Oh, well."

Trunks shook his head at the sheer guttermindedness of his companion. "I don't want to know what you thought was going on."

Pan was ignoring the little exchange. "Well, it's now or never, Doma."

Doma nodded, and carefully ascended the living mountain of fat that was Zoonama. He held the scissors poised over the whiskers of the creature. "Zoonama," he intoned. "You have turned our joy into sorrow, our day into night. Never again will you steal our peace." A glimmer of light danced along the scissors' edge.

"Stop being so darn dramatic and get on with it!" Mist urged. "He might wake up soon! Just cut the darn whisker!"

"I'm getting to that!" Doma glared, closing the scissors with a click. The whisker came off smoothly, the foot-long stump twisting into a curlicue. Mist tried not to laugh. "My duty is only half done." He re-positioned himself. "Now, for the other half. This is for the children!" He reached over, but Zoonama twitched, then sneezed, launching Doma across the cavern.

"Trunksette?" Zoonama stared at him. "You don't look right. You look like a…"

"A man?" Trunks nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, we just weren't meant to be."

"What!" Zoonama screamed. "But I loved you! I would've given you anything!" He glared. "Decievers…I'll kill you all!" The magma level began to rise. "How 'bout a quake for starters?" He tried to grab his whiskers. "Shake, shake, shake!" He paused. "What the…?" he picked up a random mirror and inspected himself, noting the stump of his left whisker. "Aaaah! My whisker! It's gone!" He growled. "You can't stop me! I still have one! I'll shake this planet until it falls apart!"

"This is bad!" Trunks used his Phrase of the Day™ once again as the room began to vibrate.

"I'll shake until the walls come tumbling down and your brains come out like scrambled eggs!" he ranted. "Ooly-wooly-wooly! Ooly-wooly-wooly-wooly-wooly!" he repeated, oscillating across the room.

Suddenly, it stopped. Goku, Pan, Doma, Giru, Trunks, and Mist crashed to the floor. "It's not working anymore!" Pan noted.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Zoonama kept shaking his whisker, but the room stayed perfectly still.

"Great spirits!" Doma exclaimed. "Has his power truly gone?"

Zoonama looked down, seeing double. "So, reinforcements have arrived? Well, it doesn't matter! I'm bringing the house down, babies! You're all going to die!"

"Why did it stop working?" Trunks wondered.

Pan thought. "I've got it!" she cried triumphantly. "Zoonama doesn't have the power to _cause_ earthquakes, only the power to predict them!" She smirked in triumph. "He just shakes his whiskers when he know's a quake is going to start, and stops when the quake stops! But now he's too tipsy to realize the quake is over!"

Doma shook his head. "For years we have been living in fear, too paralyzed with dread to stand up for ourselves and realize the truth in front of us!"

Zoonama stopped. "Uh…why aren't you terrified?" he asked nervously.

The five stared at him. "Trunksette wasn't the only one who was faking it, was she?" Goku demanded.

"It's no use, Zoonama, we know the truth!" Pan shouted.

"If you don't stop talking nonsense, I'll make a volcano erupt right now!" Zoonama threatened, unable to hide a note of panic in his voice.

Trunks sighed. "You…Will…" He flew up to Zoonama's shoulder too quick for the eye to see, "…not." With the last word, he thwacked Zoonama on the head, causing him to fall over.

"That does it!" Zoonama screamed. "Now I'll make a volcano erupt for sure!"

"Go ahead," Pan smirked.

Zoonama felt panic. Trunks glared, pointing at him. On his shoulder, Giru did the same. Mist tried not to laugh at the robot's mimicry. "You've taken it too far, Zoonama, you've hurt people!" Trunks accused.

Zoonama looked sheepishly over his shoulder. "So, you really _do_ know, don't you."

Pan and Doma nodded. "Mm-hm."

"Then…it really is…over," Zoonama murmured.

"Mm-hm," Goku and Mist nodded.

Zoonama began to bawl. "I'm sorry! Don't hurt me, please, I beg of you! I never meant any harm, truly, I only meant it as a joke!" His whisker began to vibrate.

"Stealing my fiancée was no joke!" Doma growled.

Pan noticed the whisker. "Stop shaking," she laughed, "you're not fooling anyone!"

"Huh?" Zoonama stopped crying for a moment. "I'm not doing that! That only happens when a _real _quake is about to hit, I swear! You have to believe me! I'm telling you! This one is going to be huge!"

Pan shook her head. "Nope, not buying it!"

Mist frowned. "But what'd be the point of lying now that we know his secret? I think he's telling the truth, guys."

Giru confirmed this. "Danger! Biiiig shake! Giru!"

"We're all going to die if we stay down here!" Zoonama moaned. "I've been sensing a lot of quakes lately, but they were just babies! This is the mother of all quakes!"

"Holy crap!" Mist screamed as the room vibrated, the most violent shake yet. "We gotta get out! I'm too young to die! OW!" she screamed again as a crack opened in the wall and scalding steam gushed out.

"It's erupting!" Goku shouted.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Mist yelled. "I'm outta here!" She dashed away, dodging vents, trying to get to the exit. Goku, Pan, Trunks, Doma, Giru, and Zoonama followed, the latter moaning about how he didn't want to die. They all dove into the water, racing the lava as they tried to get out.

Goku stopped. Once everyone had passed him, he turned to face the oncoming magma. _Ka…me…ha…me…_he thought, as a ball of light glowed in his hands. "HAAA!" he screamed, blasting the ki wave directly at the oncoming lava. This shot him into Zoonama, who shot into the others, and they all went zooming through the tunnel, and flew out of the water, through the air, landing on the ground. Mist rubbed her backside, wondering how on earth Goku, Pan, and Trunks had managed to land on their feet.

"Just made it," Trunks breathed.

"I wouldn't celebrate just yet!" Mist pointed at the volcano they had just escaped, as the lava burst from it in streams.

"The village is going to be wiped out!" Pan shouted. "We have to do something!"

"It's too late!" Trunks shouted as the lava flowed down, wiping out several trees in his way.

"Maybe not," Goku replied, a determined look on his face. He flew up into the air, going towards the volcano.

Mist stared at him. "Holy crap."

"He can fly?" Doma asked in wonderment.

"Can he teach _me_ how to do that?" Mist asked.

"If we get out of here alive, I'll teach you myself," Pan said.

Up in the air, Goku inspected the volcano. "All righty, then. Now that she's let off some pressure, I can try and stop the bleeding. Maybe I can seal off the wound," he mused. "Ka…me…ha…me…HA!" He sent the Kamehameha at the top of the volcano. Seconds passed…then it hit. The entire mountain vibrated with the impact. The entire group was blown backwards. When the smoke cleared…

"Holy crap," Mist said again. "He blew it up. He blew up the freaking mountain."

"How can this be?" Doma wondered.

"Whoa, man, I really overdid it this time!" Goku sighed. He turned around. "Whoops! My bad!" he apologized embarrassedly.

Pan, Trunks, Doma, and Mist slammed into the ground in an anime fall.

A while later…

"Here," Laine said, handing Pan the Dragon Ball. "This is for your bravery and prowess. It was beyond all expectation."

"Thank you, Laine!" Pan said, flattered.

"Thank _you_," Laine responded. "You've helped us more than you know."

"The four of you made the impossible happen," Doma elaborated. "None of us had dreamed that Zoonama would one day join our village."

"He's actually quite gentle once you get to know him," Laine laughed. "We have a feeling he'll fit in just fine."

"Just don't give him anything to drink!" Goku advised.

"Yes, that is good advice," Doma smiled. "We will follow it, and pray that your people find peace as well."

"Thanks, Doma," Goku grinned.

Suddenly, the Dragon Ball began to glow. It levitated off of Pan's hand, and began to float away. "Umm…" Mist tugged on Trunks' shirt, "is it supposed to do that?"

"Ack!" the other three shouted as the ball floated away and into the hand of a villager. Said villager looked at it and grinned. His appearance changed, as he turned into a blue-skinned alien in a tight red suit. He floated up, and a rather mushroom-like ship appeared. "Thanks for the Dragon Ball, suckers!" he shouted, as he disappeared, and the ship flew off.

Goku, Trunks, and Pan glared up at him. "Give that back, it's ours!" Pan screamed as the ship vanished.

"Oh, great, it's _them,_" Mist sighed. "But why do they want the Dragon Ball?"

_Who is this mysterious alien who confiscated the Dragon Ball? And what does Mist know about them? Stay tuned for scenes from the next GT. _

_Next time on GT…It's a race through space as Goku, Trunks, Pan, and Mist try to recover the stolen Dragon Ball. But winning the game on the criminals' home field may be difficult as a complex network of caves turns into a deadly house of horrors. The jaws of doom are closing in on the next DragonBall GT._


	5. Lord Luud

Hi, guys! I'm up at midnight again, bringing you another dose of fanfic!

A thought occurred to me a while back—what if this story gets boring? Mist isn't causing anything outside of the usual plotline to happen, and other than a few smart remarks here and there and a spotlight when we get to Dr Myuu, she's not contributing much. But then, I suppose that helps detract from her potential Mary Sue-ness…

Disclaimer: YES! I OWN DRAGON BALL! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Lawyers: (take out briefcases menacingly)

Me: Eeep! I didn't mean it! I was kidding! Really! (runs away)

Lawyers: (chase after me)

_Last time on GT…Doma was poised to cut Zoonama's quake-producing whiskers, but before he could finish the job, Zoonama awoke and attempted to conjure a quake. This time, however, his true abilities were revealed. The mighty Zoonama wasn't so mighty after all. He had the ability to predict quakes, but not to cause them. Trunks called his bluff, and it was time to worry about the real threat: a temperamental volcano that was ready to blow. Never one to back down from a challenge, Goku decided to meet the inferno head-on. Having quelled both the forces of nature and the threat of Zoonama, harmony was restored and payment in kind was given for a job well done. But before the six-star ball was warm in Pan's hand, an alien presence made itself known and shocked the crowd. Mist seemed to recognize them, but what does she know? Will it help them get the Dragon Ball back? The chase is on, today on DragonBall GT._

Lord Luud

Pan, Trunks, Goku, Giru, and Mist hurried into the control room. "I hope this crate has got some speed, Trunks," Pan said as she buckled herself into her seat, Trunks and Goku doing the same.

"Don't worry about that," Trunks replied. "And she's no crate, I'll prove it to you," he said as he fired up the engines.

"I sure hope s-OOOO!" Mist's statement ended in a wail as the speed of the takeoff slammed her against the back wall. "You know, I'm starting to get used to this pain every time we take off!" she moaned as the ship leveled off and the inertia of the passengers caught up to that of the ship.

Giru settled down. "Dragon Ball dead ahead! Giru! Giru! Dragon Ball dead ahead! Giru! Giru!" he chirped.

"There he is!" Pan said, unbuckling and climbing up to the window. "Good job, Trunks! Stay with him!"

Goku climbed up next to her. "Our ship must be faster than theirs," he commented.

Trunks shook his head. "I doubt he's played all of his cards this quickly. He's probably just testing us."

"Or maybe they haven't seen us yet?" Mist guessed. "They think they just escaped with their prize and most likely celebrating, so they're probably not paying too close attention to their surroundings."

"Whatever's going on, that's one weird looking ship," Trunks commented.

"Look who's talking," Mist gestured to the ship they were on. "It looks like an octopus."

"Better an octopus than a mushroom," Trunks retorted.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suddenly, the mushroom-ship sped up.

"Trunks! Can our ship match that kind of speed?" Goku asked.

Trunks swallowed. "It has to." He pushed a lever forward, and Mist grabbed his chair to keep from being slammed against the wall again.

Inside the mushroom-ship, the blue alien who stole the Dragon Ball tossed it up and down in his hand. "You shoulda seen da look on deir faces," he drawled. "Whadda bunch o' dopes," he laughed.

"Here! Lemme see it!" a smaller version of him, obviously a brother of some sort, said, taking the ball. "Are you sure dis is a Dragon Ball?" he drawled with the same accent.

The large one sighed. "Yes, Son Para."

"Doesn't look all dat special to me."

"How could it, Son Para?" A third, taller than the second but thinner than the first, took the Ball from his small companion's hand. "You're too skeptical, brotha," he said. "You dunno how to recognize da finer things in life." He kissed the ball.

"Don Para's right," the largest brother said. "You gotta have trust, li'l brotha. Didn't Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy assure us of their potency?"

Suddenly, the computer began to bleep. "What is it?" the only brother whose name we don't know yet asked.

"A shadow has been confirmed at five kilometers, sir," the computer informed them.

"On screen!" The three brothers looked at the ship containing the Saiyans.

"It's them!" Son Para said. "Maybe dey're not as dumb as we thought!"

"Maximum speed!"

"Warp drives engaged," the computer said.

On the pursuing ship…

"They're getting away! Trunks, do something!" Pan commanded.

Trunks frowned, kicking up the speed. They followed the thieves through a cluster of asteroids.

"We're not getting any closer! What's wrong with the ship now?" Pan asked as the other ship pulled ahead.

"Nothing!" Trunks replied. "She's doing just what she was designed to do! They're simply faster than us! And basically they're reaching speeds that my engineers said couldn't be reached!"

"How much are you paying those guys, Trunks?" Pan asked.

"My engineers? They're all making about eight figures, plus benefits."

"Wow. That's a lot of money." Pan frowned. "Well, _I'd_ cut their pay in half with no benefits until they did better than second best!"

Mist looked over Trunks' shoulder. "Uh…guys?"

Trunks blinked. "Wow, I'm glad you're not _my_ boss."

"Guys…you might want to see this…" Mist tried to get their attention.

Pan folded her arms. "Hello, yes I am," she said matter-of-factly.

"Danger!" Giru chirped. "Asteroids approaching!"

"AAAAAGH!" they all screamed as Trunks wrestled with the controls, dodging frantically left and right. They followed the blue brothers' ship as best they could, Pan and Mist screaming for their lives, each clinging onto one of Trunks' arms, making it even harder for him to fly the ship. Finally, they got out of the asteroid field, all breathing out a sigh of relief.

"Wow, that was some pretty fancy flying there, Trunks. Good job," Goku congratulated.

"Yeah," Pan agreed. "I thought we were goners for sure."

"You three must be some of those suicidal teenagers I keep hearing about," Mist moaned.

"Heh. They might be faster than us, but no one outruns me when I'm behind the wheel," Trunks bragged, throwing back his head and laughing. This lapse in concentration caused them to hit an asteroid, which bounced them off a second, and a third, and a fourth. By the time Trunks had the ship back under control, Mist wasn't the only one lying dazed on the floor.

"Nice, Trunks," Pan said accusingly, climbing back into her seat. "If you're such a great pilot, why don't you try outrunning a few asteroids?"

On the mushroom ship, the as-of-yet nameless blue alien swirled wine around in a cup. "Persistent, aren't they?" he commented, taking a deep gulp. "What a nuisance! Can't someone do a little stealing without being hassled?"

"Maybe we underestimated them," Don Para speculated.

"What are we gonna do?" Son Para asked.

The wine-drinking brother addressed the computer. "Computer! Any recommendations on how to lose our shadow?"

"Yes, Bon Para," the computer replied. "I suggest an ambush." A picture of an asteroid with more holes than Swiss cheese appeared onscreen. "Lead your pursuers to Beehey. Therein reside creatures known as Mouma. Mouma are bloodthirsty worms that can swallow a ship with a single bite. Mouma will destroy your pursuers for you, sir. You will not even have to lift a finger."

Bon Para laughed. "Computer, I like your style." He posed dramatically. "To Beehey!"

Goku, Pan, Trunks, and Mist gaped as the ship with the Dragon Ball on it sped up so fast it left after-images of itself.

Pan grabbed Trunks' collar. "They're jumping to lightspeed! Don't let them get away!" she hollered.

"Easy!" Mist tried to calm Pan down. "We still need him to pilot the ship!" She held on tight as their ship sped up, and chased down the Paras'.

"Approaching Beehey," the computer stated, as a pockmarked asteroid came into view.

"Eeeexcellent." The Paras laughed evilly. They pulled up to one of the holes, turning aside at the last moment.

"I guess we'll follow them in," Trunks sighed. "Here goes." He flew their ship into the cavern.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Mist kicked off the Star Wars jokes.

"How can you steer when you can't even see?" Pan asked, peering at the pitch-black outside the ship.

"I'm using my instruments," Trunks explained. "Hold on a sec, I'll switch on the spotlights." He did so, illuminating the tunnel. They peered out at the creepy, almost organic-looking tunnel.

"Do you really think they live in a place like this?" Goku wondered.

"Probably not. But they might have a secret base here," Trunks responded.

Outside, the Paras watched their progress. "Computer! What are their chances of making it out alive?"

"The cave system is a maze. They have a fifty percent chance of navigating the corridors successfully." The computer paused. "However, this calculation was made before considering the threat of the Mouma."

"What if you threw them into the equation?" Bon Para inquired.

"Their chance of success will then decrease dramatically, sir. I calculate less than one percent."

"Less than 1, hah? Now those are odds I can live with!" Don Para smirked. "How 'bout you, brothers?"

"For sure! Works for me!" Son Para smirked as well.

"Good! Computer! Set a course for Luud!"

"Course laid in, sir. Destination: Luud," the computer confirmed.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

On a red planet, in front of a large, eerily lit statue, a robed and masked mob bowed to said statue. They chanted, "Enyaka yakayaka, Luud rama-lama-sama! Enyaka yakayaka, Luud rama-lama-sama! Enyaka yakayaka, Luud rama-lama-sama!" You get the idea.

Suddenly, a robed figure whose mask only covered the lower half of his face cracked his whip. "SILENCE!" he commanded. "One of our journeymen has returned with a Dragon Ball!"

Said journeyman, a strange creature with pointy ears, pasty skin, and leaflike green hair trembled.

The man with the whip and the red robe cracked said whip again. "Don't just stand there!" he demanded. "You _did_ bring a Dragon Ball, didn't you?"

"Yes! Uh…what happens if I didn't?" the journeyman quavered, falling onto one knee.

"Then you'll get the _whip,_" Whip-man said threateningly, as the Para Bros. turned the corner. "Now DID YOU BRING A DRAGON BALL OR NOT!"

"No, Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy," Plant-man confessed. "I searched far and wide, but the galaxy is so vast and I had so little to go on…I beg for your mercy!"

Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy, formerly known as Whip-man, raised his whip. "FAILURE IS UNACCEPTABLE!" he screamed. The whip closed around the journeyman's neck, as a strange green aura surrounded him and the statue's eyes began to glow. The journeyman screamed as he shrunk down, until he became…a doll? A small plastic replica of himself lay on the ground. Bon, Don, and Son Para gasped as Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy screamed, "LORD LUUD HAS SPOKEN!"

"H-h-he turned that poor guy into a doll!" Son Para squeaked.

Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy picked up the small, sad plastic thing. "Was carrying out Lord Luud's will _really_ so difficult?" he asked the doll. "Wouldn't it have been easier than THIS!" He threw the doll upwards over the rim of what looked like a large cauldron in front of the statue. A green light shone out of it, and the level of green liquid in what looked like an hourglass with three bulbs bubbled and rose a fraction. Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy turned to the masked mob. "In life he was a failure," he addressed his followers, "but in death he has achieved greatness, because his vital energy has been absorbed by Lord Luud himself! Let us beg of Lord Luud that our end might be just as glorious as his!"

Dead silence from the wide-eyed cult members.

"Well?" Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy demanded. "When I say 'beg," I mean NOW!" he shouted.

The crowd immediately began to bow, and chant "Enyaka yakayaka, Luud rama-lama-sama!"

Don Para looked nervous. "Guys, let's get out of here!"

Bon Para stopped him. "Brothas! The one he dealt with harshly failed where we succeeded! We have a Dragon Ball!" he reasoned.

"Oh. Right."

"Dat's the ticket!" Son Para cried. "Be bold! We're the ones in da drivers' seat!"

Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy cracked his whip. "NEXT! Approach the altar!" he commanded. "Did you bring an offering for Lord Luud?"

The three knelt. "Yes, Cardinal," Bon Para answered, "my brothers and I have brought a Dragon Ball as requested." He held up the orb.

The Cardinal picked it up and inspected it. "Well, it's authentic," he muttered. "Para brothers! You have accomplished what many others could not! You are the first ones to succeed!"

"See?" Bon Para muttered. "There's nothin' to fear here, brothas!"

"He's rollin' out the red carpet for us!" Son Para said gleefully. "I wonder what kind of reward we're gonna get?"

"I wish I could give you a reward, but I can't," the Cardinal interrupted their conversation. "Unfortunately, you have committed a terrible blunder." He raised his arms to the Luud idol. "According to a divine message from Lord Luud, you Para Para brothers have let a Dragon Ball slip through your fingers, a grave offense indeed!"

"But…we've got it!" Bon Para protested.

Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy sighed. "Those cretins you took the Dragon Ball from had another on their ship," he explained. "And YOU let it get away!" He cracked the whip right in front of them, knocking them off the dais in shock. "WHAT do you have to SAY for YOURSELVES!" he demanded.

"Give us another chance, Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy!" Bon Para begged.

The Cardinal cracked his whip. The Paras curled up into little balls, and waited for the end to come. However, the whip hit a statue's sword, snapping it in half, causing it to hit the ground, nearly castrating Son Para. "I have interceded for you, Para Paras!" Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy declared. "You have ONE MORE CHANCE."

"Thank you, Cardinal, thank you!" Bon Para cried.

"DON'T FAIL ME," the Cardinal glared.

The Para brothers scrambled away as fast as their legs would carry them.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The mushroom ship belonging to the brothers Para took off. "Computer! Set a course for Planet Beehey! That ship we ditched has a Dragon Ball on it, and we Paras are gonna be living in a shoe box if we don't get it back!"

"Yes, sir. Destination: Beehey."

"But what if we're too late!" Don Para panicked. "What if the Mouma have already eaten them!"

"I DON'T WANNA BE A DOLL!" Son Para whined.

"Computer! Maximum speed!" Bon Para cried, as they zoomed to the porous asteroid.

Inside, Trunks was having problems navigating. "It's a maze!" Trunks declared. "We could search for a whole year and never find them!"

Mist glared. "Well, I'm glad you're here to tell us these things!" She crossed her arms. "We're already lost, so if you keep thinking like that, we'll never find our way out, much less the Dragon Ball!"

They continued down the tunnel, oblivious to the creeping noises following them.

"I have an idea!" Pan interrupted. "Giru! Locate the Dragon Ball they stole!"

Giru tried. "Dragon Ball gone! Dragon Ball missing!"

Pan was furious. "What do you mean, 'missing'? You're a walking Dragon radar!" She picked him up. "That Dragon Ball's signal has got to be on there somewhere…unless you're defective, that is!" She looked at the radar. "He's right…the signal's not showing up anywhere!"

"Maybe because we're under solid rock," Trunks suggested.

Mist swallowed. A thought had just occurred to her that she didn't want to even suggest.

Goku noticed the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

Mist swallowed. "It might not be because we're underground," she began.

"What do you mean?" Pan asked.

"I mean…maybe the reason the ball's not showing up is because…because it's not there," she suggested. "Maybe…they tricked us into going in here because they knew we'd get lost…"

Trunks, Pan, and Goku gasped. "The dirty thieves!" Goku growled.

"Are you sure?" Trunks asked.

"Not completely, but I know how they think. I caught a ride with them once, and they don't mind using the lowliest tricks to get their way. They're called the Para Para Brothers, and they're ruthless when it comes to anything but each other."

"Why didn't you tell us this in the first place?" Pan demanded, shaking Mist by the collar.

"I never got around to it!" Mist protested. "Could you let go of me, please?"

"How'd you get them to take you on their ship in the first place?" Goku asked.

Mist winked. "You see these big blue eyes?" she asked, pointing. "I'm the master of the martial arts technique Inu-me-ken: Puppy-Dog Eyes. One look, and the most hardened space pirate is putty in my hands." She winked again. "Care for a demonstration?"

"Not now," Trunks replied. "If the Dragon Ball's really not here, then we'd better get out and start searching for it elsewhere." He shuddered. "I'll be glad to get out of these caves."

"Same here," Pan replied. "I can't shake the feeling that we're being followed."

Suddenly, Giru curled up into a ball. "Monster! Monster!" he cried.

There was no point to arguing, as the mouth of a giant worm, obviously ripped off from Star Wars, nearly closed on them. Trunks exercised his piloting skill again, as they frantically dodged the several Mouma closing in on them.

"Those things are disgusting!" Pan cried.

"And dangerous," Goku added. "Why can't I sense its energy!"

"Monster approaching!" Giru warned them. This time, it came out of the cavern wall to their right. Trunks dodged it frantically.

"That is one big worm," he muttered.

"Trunks! Look out! Up above!" Goku shouted. Trunks took advantage of this advice.

Meanwhile, the Paras arrived, flying into the tunnel.

"Wait!" Son Para cried. "We're not going further in there, are we!"

"We don't have a choice, brother," Bon Para said.

"But what if the Mouma get ahold of us?"

"We'll just have to take that risk."

"But our chances of survival in there are less than one percent!"

"Yes, but we're the Para brothers, are we not?" Bon Para tried to sound confident.

Further in, the ship was frantically dancing with death. Suddenly, the ship slammed into the floor, breaking through into a larger cavern. The Paras looked up.

"It's them! They're alive!"

"Thank goodness!"

The ship, still frantically dodging, was flipped over onto its back.

"Wa ha ha ha ha!" the brothers laughed.

"Look at them! They're stuck on their back!" Don Para's laugh turned into a scream as a Mouma barely missed them. "Computer! Retreat!"

Goku had an idea. Trunks put the ship on autopilot, and Goku leaned out the airlock, and shot a ki wave at the pursuing Mouma. This distracted it long enough for the ship's passengers to leap out. Mist thanked whatever gods were listening that she was agile when it really counted. They landed on their feet on the floor of the cave, Giru posing dramatically. "Giru to the rescue!" it chirped.

A giant worm, dripping mucus and saliva, burst through the ground in front of them. Giru quickly leapt onto Trunks' back and clung there fearfully. Mist wished she had someone's back she could hide behind, but the ship was just as likely a target, if not more so, than a free-standing person, so she gritted her teeth, took what she hoped was a good fighting stance, and decided to go down swinging.

"Look at that!" Don Para said in admiration. "They're standing up to the Mouma!"

"Are they crazy?" Son Para wondered. "It's suicide!"

"It's perfect," Bon Para smirked. "While those idiots are being brave and getting themselves killed, we'll sneak onto their ship and take their Dragon Ball!"

"Ingenious!" Don Para said.

"It runs in the blood," Son Para replied.

Out in the cavern, Goku, Pan, and Trunks launched a triple attack, shooting energy waves out of their hands.

"HA!"

"HA!"

"HA!"

Mist stared. These definitely weren't your ordinary outer-space wanderers…she _had_ to get them to teach her that trick. _Remind me never to cross these guys…_she thought. The attack hit dead-on…but nothing happened.

"How strong _is_ he!" Goku shouted.

Rumbling noises were heard, as more Mouma crawled around them. "We've got company!" Trunks shouted, again using a line from Star Wars. Suddenly, one came up right underneath them, knocking all four backwards.

They recovered quickly enough to see four or five Mouma surrounding them.

Goku struck a fighting stance. "What amazingly strong creatures," he said in wonderment. "All alone, out here in space! Who'd have ever thought?"

"I just hope we live to tell about it," Trunks muttered.

"Are you always this optimistic?" Mist asked, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"No," Trunks replied, "just when we're fighting five invincible giant worms."

Inside their ship, the Para Brothers looked around. _Where would it be…?_ Bon Para thought to himself.

_As Goku, Pan, Trunks, and Mist stare into the jaws of death, the Para Brothers take advantage of an opportune moment. Who is this mysterious Lord Luud, and his bewitching Cardinal Mutchy Mutchy, who has the power to turn people into dolls? Ensnared in a deadly trap, the voyagers from Earth and their hitchhiking friend are in danger of losing their Dragon Balls and their lives at the hands of a cult they don't even know exists. Stay tuned for scenes from the next DragonBall GT._

_On the next GT…the Moumas attack! Are these subterranean giants as invincible as they seem, or can Mist figure out their Achilles' heel? And when the Para Para Brothers take the floor, it's hard not to laugh, but the threat is real. If you dance with the Paras…you dance until you die! Next time on GT._

end of episode

Wow, that was a pain to write…it took me less time than usual—it's only 4 AM now! But it was tedious…all that copying…meh…but the next one will be funny…

Lawyers: There you are!

Me: Eeek! Gotta go! (runs away


End file.
